so, i had the impulse to talk with her a couple of weeks ago, and eventually i asked for help to a friend so we could contact us (since i don't have social media and i made this account for the pure sake of talking with her). and we had kind of an argument as we always do and i ended up confessing that i just didn't want to give her details about how i feel like she abused me emotionally and sexually. she said i am lying and her intention is not invalidate my feelings but that what im saying is just not true. she said that she never had intentions or did take advantage of me or to insult me, and in her words, she "always tried to make me feel secure and comfortable", which is just.. not true. she also said that "the vision i have on her is delusional". now i feel like im lying, like somehow i managed to imagine everything in my head, im re-questioning everything I've lived on the past year since the sequels have been very bad for me and ugh, i feel like im drowning, like no one is ever going to believe me and like im unfairly accusing someone. i just really need a friend right now, if anyone is open to that. i don't wanna be alone, the suicidal thoughts are slowly returning to my head and im really scared for my life. i swear i would never make up something like that.. for what? for the sake of attention? what would i gain accusing someone of something as bad as that? i feel completely broken, just, please.. help.