Sufferer Ready or Not


New Here
Hello all. I haven't attempted to join a PTSD forum / online community for some time now. I was quickly put off by previous attempts because it seemed like I didn't fit in at all. Unfortunately, whether I fit in or not this time, I am part of the PTSD community, like it or not lol.

I haven't got a quick, neat way to summarise where my trauma comes from. There's narcissism in my family and extended family, and various bad things happened when I was growing up. Not so much one big thing that everyone would nod their head to and say, yeah that's bad. Rather a pattern of "smaller" things that basically led to a feeling of feeling completely "trapped", which is when the PTSD probably kicked in. Maybe it's mostly CPTSD but also some PTSD.

Things haven't sufficiently improved since I guess, otherwise I wouldn't be here. Why am I here at this moment in time? Part of it is probably the time of year - heading up to "the holidays" or Christmas or whatever you want to call it. Also, yet again, I attempted something, a type of exam which would be extremely helpful for me to pass, but my PTSD literally forced me to cancel the test, and then I felt like complete crap afterwards and I'm still recovering from it. Why my PTSD couldn't stop me from applying for the test in the first place I have no idea, or cancelling in good time so I don't get much false hope about it etc.

Anyway I'm probably not being very clear. Haven't had a really good night's sleep for a while. I don't trust people very much. My next post might be better lol. Stay safe.