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Ready To Scream!

Discussion in 'General' started by cookie, Aug 25, 2006.

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  1. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    i don't get angry, but i sure feel agitated right now. my mother called--she is planning a visit here soon, i don't know how i am going to deal with that--and she is bringing me my grandfather's rocker! no talking her out of it. to be fair, she doesn't know about the things he did, but she's going to want to bring it in my house while she's here. i am just absolutelly twitching all over, nerves, i guess.
    went to my dr. today, school starts for me on monday, and he decides TODAY that i should take a couple months off??? i can't do that now! my t called him! i talked too much last time i guess, talked about my mother and father and how i grew up, and about the suicidal feelings (too much in depth, maybe!) i gave her permission to talk to him, but not every dang week. now i feel like a bad child, being tattled on. she is so good to help me, but why does she have to call him?
    i am getting that desperate to do something feeling again, and i need to get out before my mother comes. i hate myself for sitting here feeling sorry for myself when there are so many people out there with real problems. forgive my ranting cookie
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    I have always viewed feeling sorry for one's self as weakness. My doc had to put a different spin on it for me. When you go through horrible things you need to give permission to yourself to feel sorry for yourself. That sometimes you need to and you should. It is not a weakness and your problems may not be exactly like the next, but it does not mean it does not hit you as the indiviual you are any less and is not a real problem.

    As for the rocker. Run out and get a cat. Tell mom you don't want your new buddy tearing it up and it may be better at her home. Or when you get to the point of needing to release the anger when it comes it may make good bonfire material!
  4. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

    Exactly what I was thinking!!! It might be good therapy.

    So let me get this straight, your therapist calls your general practioner every week after your therapy lessons? And now your GP tells you you need to take a couple months off? Right? I know that school is coming up soon...but what do you think? If you didn't have school coming up soon to think about, and only took your health into consideration, would you take the couple months off? Is school a stress reliever for you? Does it keep you from thinking too much about the "bad" stuff? Or does it just aggravate you and stress you out? All these things to consider, not to mention financially (groan).

    And just a question: Do you think that the upcoming school year is causing/exasberating some of the suicidal tendencies?
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    hey, nam. actually my t calls my psychiatrist. it seems like every week.it just bothers me for some reason. school stresses me somewhat because of the age of my kids. they are about the same age/size i was when abused by my grandfather. it makes me worry about them a lot. i stay very busy at school. besides my class, i do arrivals and dismissal for the whole school, do all the lunch heat-ups, supervise the lunch room and recess for middle and high school (and my little ones), and i am the school nurse. sometimes i answer the phones at naptime, when others are out of the office. busy is good most of the time, but on a bad day it makes me very anxious and jumpy. i don't think it's adding to any suicidal tendencies, thoughts of my mother coming and bringing that chair might be. i dont' want him in my house. i don't feel bad at my mother, really, she is very different now, but it makes me very shakey to talk on the phone with her. i don't know what's going to happen when she is here for a few days. cookie
  6. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Cookie, I want you to take a big breathe, and calm down, and I will tell you why. You are doing the very things that only you can stop yourself doing, and I am going to give you that information here again.

    The thought of your mother coming is raising your anxiety! The thought of having your grandfathers chair in your house is raising your anxiety!

    Take notice of "thought". Cookie, this is an easy thing to do. Stop over generalizing your thoughts. You mother could be coming to just try and be your friend, say hello, and that she cares about you. Nothing more. Your mother is most likely thinking you would appreciate the gift. If your mother doesn't know you don't want the chair, then how is she to foresee this when you have not told her?

    Cookie, you need to phone your mum, you need to talk with her about that you don't want the chair in your house because it causes you distress. You don't have to have a conversation about why, but just because it causes you distress. If your mother then chooses to bring the chair, it is your house, at which point you say NO, the chair is not to come into my house.

    There is no anger needed, no over generalization needed, no anxiety needed, if you just take away the guess work from all of this. Don't think for others, and don't think you know what they are thinking. ASK! Words can fix so many things before they develop into larger issues. This is already developing into a larger issue, so you can fix it now by making a phone call, talking to your mum and ask her to leave the chair at her place, not to bring it to yours as the chair is not welcome, but your mum is, if that is the case.

    Cookie, talking takes away the guessing, it takes away the over-generalization, it takes away the fictional thinking... it takes away many of the problems before they continue to spiral out of control.
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