Realizations - Overcoming fear of imperfection

couragetogrow

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Hi all,

Last night I went to a support group and I was really inspired by the other members sharing their experiences so candidly. It made me have some realizations maybe others can relate to...I feel like I've been trying to get things so perfect...how I treat people, what I say, how I act it's all been in this framework of "am I doing it right", but I realized last night when some people were speaking truly from the heart, how much inspiration they were giving they didn't even know because it was so real and honest.

That's when I realize man, have I even been living or just trying to get it right? Are all my behaviors a trauma response? Do I even know who I am?

Fear of saying the wrong thing, being misunderstood, overcompensating behaviors (see? see? I'm a good person so don't hurt me), and fear of inadvertently hurting someone myself.

I'm like...you know at some point it has to be enough to be doing your best, knowing that you're not going to get it perfect, but not allowing that to give you another reason to hate yourself. For me, there's a big attachment to fear there. "oh no what if I turn into an abuser myself?", but I'm realizing the difference is that abusive types don't desire to recognize the feelings of others and have no accountability in their lives...and as long as my intention is to do the best I can and what's in my power to do and I treat people with kindness and with that don't abandon kindness to myself, I should be ok? Even more like...can I live in the not knowing and be ok? Because that's life...there's always an element of risk/the unknown.

Even as I write this, I'm like...oh it's too long, people will misunderstand me...think I'm annoying...and I'm just like wow...it's like I'm just realizing how much fear has been in my thoughts/behaviors.
 
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