Really need an objective opinion about my therapy

[Flubber]

Hi everyone, I'm new here.
I've just been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I'm certain I've had these for my entire life but always felt too ashamed to admit it. I just want to be normal. I had bad, violent parents who were both alcoholics. One of my parents, almost certainly, had a mental illness (some sort of psychotic thing). I'm pretty sure there was SA involved too, but I only have pictures in my head. I don't know for sure. I've had no contact with any of my family since I was 18. I've struggled with relationships, jobs, you name it. Basically, people scare me. The only time when I've ever felt like I "fit in" was the 8 years I worked in emergency services. But, of course, that added to my trauma and has made my anxiety even worse.

Anyway, I started looking for a psych and emailed a practice asking if anyone had experience with CPTSD. I started seeing a psych every second week since before Christmas and we've just had our fifth session. I'm really concerned and confused because I don't feel like we've done any real work in that time and it feels like I've been wasting my time and money.

Don't get me wrong, the psych is lovely, but I'm not sure whether she lacks experience and expertise (despite me telling her I was pretty sure I had CPTSD, prior to beginning therapy) or whether she finds me an interesting case to "look at" or whether my brain is screwing with me and I'm completely misunderstanding what is going on. I really need someone to give me some feedback.

I've brought up my confusion a few times and the psych, and her responses are clipped and (I think) sound defensive. So, that tactic isn't working. Of course, it's very possible that I am sounding angry or hostile when I ask questions. I know that when I get triggered I can sound really "prickly", so I haven't pushed back to her responses. I just feel like it would make the situation worse.

So, essentially, the sessions went like this:

Session I - Brief outline of the recent issues that have been triggering me and why I think I have CPTSD. Written tests for PTSD, anxiety, depression.

Next session - schema therapy questionnaire.

Session III - I thought would begin with the results of the schema therapy questionnaire, but something went wrong and we had to input the answers into the computer. She told me that I was high in a number of things (I don't remember) and asked me to think of the earliest memory of feeling defective. My brain froze and I couldn't think of the first time, but I did manage to come up with something from when I was a teen. She then did a thing with a chair where I had to talk to someone in the chair and tell them how I feel. I did my best (which was probably terrible), but I didn't understand what was happening, why we were doing it or what we were hoping to achieve. From what I've read from other posts on this site, schema therapy involves the therapist explaining schemas, what they are, how they work, how they affect us and then how the schema therapy exercises fit into all that. We didn't do any of that. I just felt confused and not sure how I was supposed to react. I apologised to her and told her I was sorry for not reacting like I should, but that I'd done my best and wasn't sure how I was supposed to respond. She pretty much moved on and ended the session.

Session IV she said she wanted me to do a personality assessment. I handed her a piece of paper with a heap of "key words and phrases" on it and explained that my brain had frozen last week and I couldn't think of the earliest incident of feeling defective. So, I wrote this out as something to aid my memory. I then asked if she could keep it for us to refer back to. She said yes and put it into my file.
I then mentioned again about not understanding what had happened with the chair exercise and reiterating my confusion with schema therapy. She told me that I had told her I didn't trust her and that we needed to build trust and I shouldn't try to build it too quickly. I wanted to correct her - I didn't tell her I don't trust her. I said I feel that nobody can "rescue me". But I just let it slide because I was feeling like I was being annoying and like that would make the situation worse.

Anyway, in our last session we actually did the personality assessment. I asked why we couldn't just talk about these questions, but she said that the assessment was more accurate, scientific and quicker. When I finished the assessment we had a few minutes left and I told her about an incident that happened (minor, really), which had caused my anxiety to skyrocket and my brain went offline for almost two days (it usually only goes offline for a few hours). We talked about it for a few minutes and she basically told me that my reaction was extreme and I should try not to react that way. There was no help with teaching me grounding or relaxation exercises or what to do when this sort of thing happens.

At this point, I was just utterly depressed and feeling hopeless. So, I again I explained I was confused and this time I asked what the "plan" was. She picked up my folder, skipped few a few pages and said, she could teach me relaxation exercises or refer me to someone for EMDR if the schema therapy wasn't working. It was at this point that my brain completely checked out. All I could think about was how we'd done one schema therapy exercise and she's not explained schema therapy to me, and why was she wasting my time and money with a personality assessment if she was thinking of referring me for EMDR?

I think the thing that's upsetting me most is that she hasn't really spoken with me. I've told her I'm married. She hasn't asked what I do for a job (except to fill in the top of the assessment form), hasn't asked who I live with, whether I have extended family, what supports I have, what my relationships are like etc. I thought that handing her that paper with key words relating to why I felt defective would prompt her to show some interest in me. Nope. It probably goes without saying that if I felt defective before, I'm feel even more so, now.

Can someone tell me if this is normal for the first few sessions? Am I over reacting? If I am, please tell me. It will probably hurt my feelings to be told that I am overreacting, but it's for my own good and I won't be able to heal unless I can work this out.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to badmouth the psych. She's lovely and I guess she's really nice (although I know nothing about her). I'm pretty certain the problem is me, I get stressed and confused and embarrassed in the sessions. My speech gets stilted and I'm probably just really annoying to be with. I'm confused and angry at myself for being like this. I want to change, but maybe I'm beyond help. At this stage, I am planning to terminate my therapy and hopefully get up the courage to try with someone else down the track. But I'm worried I'll just self-sabotage that too.

Any thoughts you have (no matter how hard they may be for me to hear), would be appreciated.

 

[Friday]

Can someone tell me if this is normal for the first few sessions? Am I over reacting? If I am, please tell me.

That’s not a pace or approach I would personally continue with, and would absolutely take her up on her referral, but that’s me. I also usually interview dozens of therapists before I choose one to hire, and the EMDR ref would just be my starting point… but it S a starting point. Maybe I’d get lucky, more likely not. Interviewing trauma therapists is an exhausting clusterf*ck I rather despise, but I’ve only been lucky out the gate once (finding the T I’d like to work with in my first batch of candidates).

 

[Sideways]

I loved schema therapy, but it was quite complicated and very heavy going, despite not requiring me to talk about my trauma in any way.

I definitely think the therapy I did learning to ground and breathe was invaluable.

I did both of those independently, with different therapists, in different modalities. The schema therapy was by a short, outpatient course. The breathing and grounding mostly with 1:1 appointments with psychologists and as an inpatient in a trauma program.

I’ve also, separately, done cbt (psychologist appointments and group courses), dbt (group course), narrative stuff (1:1 with a completely different psychologist), ACT (group course). And then I have my T and my pdoc.

The people who assessed and diagnosed me were psychiatrists. Who…weren’t ultimately at all helpful.

Grounding is an excellent place to start, almost irrespective of which type of therapy you want to try. Beyond that? I agree with @Friday - it sounds all over the shop for you at the moment. Which isn’t helpful.

She’s not wrong about needing to build trust, but she’s not going about it in a way that I would find helpful. She’s not necessarily wrong that those pro forma questionnaires might be helpful, but a better guide about “where to from here” is appropriate now that she’s assessed the hell outta you!

An EMDR therapist referral is something I’d follow up if that’s on the table.

 

[Flubber]

That’s not a pace or approach I would personally continue with, and would absolutely take her up on her referral, but that’s me. I also usually interview dozens of therapists before I choose one to hire, and the EMDR ref would just be my starting point… but it S a starting point. Maybe I’d get lucky, more likely not. Interviewing trauma therapists is an exhausting clusterf*ck I rather despise, but I’ve only been lucky out the gate once (finding the T I’d like to work with in my first batch of candidates).

Thanks for your help. It’s hard to know what’s reasonable and what’s not, when you’ve never been in therapy before and when your head is all mixed up. I’m definitely considering EMDR but, to be honest, I’m feeling pretty beaten up and deflated at the moment. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by the time we’re due for our next session.

When you say you “interview” therapists what do you mean? Do you make appointments and tell them you’re going to interview them (like for a job)? Or do you mean something else?

Thanks so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

 

[Calm in the chaos]

but I only have pictures in my head. I don't know for sure.

This is definitely something to bring up with a therapist that you trust. Because the brain has a very special talent in hiding difficult events and feelings from us (like a dissociative thing), but for now, try not to ruminate on what I’ve just said. First job is to find a competent therapist who you click with!

From what I've read from other posts on this site, schema therapy involves the therapist explaining schemas, what they are, how they work, how they affect us and then how the schema therapy exercises fit into all that.

This is also my experience of it, my sessions had to be cut short, but the beginning started with my T giving me an overview of Schema therapy, and what that entails.

told me that my reaction was extreme and I should try not to react that way

This is a red flag to me. Your reaction that you’ve explained here isn’t “extreme” material at all. You seem knowledgeable and level headed.

At this point, I was just utterly depressed and feeling hopeless

This is understandable, considering the above. Just want to say this isn’t your fault, and all your feelings surrounding is valid.

Can someone tell me if this is normal for the first few sessions? Am I over reacting?

I would say no, although it is a fairly common experience to not click or find every therapist beneficial. And from what you’ve explained, I would get outta there and find someone more suited (:

When you say you “interview” therapists what do you mean? Do you make appointments and tell them you’re going to interview them (like for a job)? Or do you mean something else?

I’ve actually never done this, never had the opportunity, but I’m pretty sure you find a therapist that you think might work, have a session or two with them to see if you’re on the same page as each other, see if you are finding meeting with them beneficial. If all goes well, continue seeing the therapist, if not, you can move on to someone new.

Kind of similar to an interview I guess, therapists should be welcome to answer your questions, if you have anything specific about what their approach entails, etc.

 

[Friday]

When you say you “interview” therapists what do you mean? Do you make appointments and tell them you’re going to interview them (like for a job)?

Precisely.

After I have a short list of interesting candidates, I call them and set up interview appointments. Very nearly all therapists do those for free, usually a bit shorter than a regular appointment 15-30minutes although some book a full hour, and in person or over the phone, depends on the therapist.

During that time they get to outline how they like to work, (and if that lines up with how I like to work; for example, I do a lot better with 2 hour appointments than 1 hour appts), how they do treatment plans & favourite modalities, all the stuff I cannot read on their website, including the “it-factor” thing that’s our personalities intersecting

 

[Freddyt]

After I have a short list of interesting candidates, I call them and set up interview appointments. Very nearly all therapists do those for free, usually a bit shorter than a regular appointment 15-30minutes although some book a full hour, and in person or over the phone, depends on the therapist.

Just went through that process and that's exactly the deal.

You gotta kiss a lot of toads to find a prince........you gotta interview a lot of therapists before you hit the right one that works the way you like and you hit it off with.

I got incredibly lucky with my first T considering I had nor clue what I wanted or needed other than EMDR.

 

[Urumqi]

This is a really tricky situation you are in. On the one hand, your therapist might not be good for you. On the other hand, you might be perceiving your therapist as not good because you have CPTSD and, therefore, you have a "perception" problem. Your gut/body is stuck in your trauma and can't appropriately react to your current situation. I've been in therapy for 2 years (at least once a week, sometime 2-3 times, and once a month men's group) and am just now starting to connect my trauma to being activated and/or triggered. one of the hardest parts of starting the therapy process for CPTSD was understanding when I can and cannot trust my gut. Your journey is just beginning. Regardless of what therapist you use, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Fortunately, if you stick with it and honor yourself and care for your inner child, it will get better. Letting go and trusting an "authority" figure is not something any of us can easily do. It is scary. But, we are here with you and I will always wish peace and wellness for you.

My speech gets stilted and I'm probably just really annoying to be with. I'm confused and angry at myself for being like this. I want to change, but maybe I'm beyond help.

You are not beyond help. All of this is very normal and predictable. It sounds like the simple fact of sitting in front of a therapist, knowing that she is going to start making you feel things you've spent your entire life repressing, is triggering you. Two months after I started this process, I ended up in the hospital with severe emotional flashbacks because my body took control and shut me down, trying to protect me. Stay the course...

 

[Flubber]

I loved schema therapy, but it was quite complicated and very heavy going, despite not requiring me to talk about my trauma in any way.

I definitely think the therapy I did learning to ground and breathe was invaluable.

I did both of those independently, with different therapists, in different modalities. The schema therapy was by a short, outpatient course. The breathing and grounding mostly with 1:1 appointments with psychologists and as an inpatient in a trauma program.

I’ve also, separately, done cbt (psychologist appointments and group courses), dbt (group course), narrative stuff (1:1 with a completely different psychologist), ACT (group course). And then I have my T and my pdoc.

The people who assessed and diagnosed me were psychiatrists. Who…weren’t ultimately at all helpful.

Grounding is an excellent place to start, almost irrespective of which type of therapy you want to try. Beyond that? I agree with @Friday - it sounds all over the shop for you at the moment. Which isn’t helpful.

She’s not wrong about needing to build trust, but she’s not going about it in a way that I would find helpful. She’s not necessarily wrong that those pro forma questionnaires might be helpful, but a better guide about “where to from here” is appropriate now that she’s assessed the hell outta you!

An EMDR therapist referral is something I’d follow up if that’s on the table.

Thanks for all that info. It’s really helpful. I've had a few people mention EMDR. So I'll definitely look into it.

This is definitely something to bring up with a therapist that you trust. Because the brain has a very special talent in hiding difficult events and feelings from us (like a dissociative thing), but for now, try not to ruminate on what I’ve just said. First job is to find a competent therapist who you click with!


This is also my experience of it, my sessions had to be cut short, but the beginning started with my T giving me an overview of Schema therapy, and what that entails.


This is a red flag to me. Your reaction that you’ve explained here isn’t “extreme” material at all. You seem knowledgeable and level headed.


This is understandable, considering the above. Just want to say this isn’t your fault, and all your feelings surrounding is valid.


I would say no, although it is a fairly common experience to not click or find every therapist beneficial. And from what you’ve explained, I would get outta there and find someone more suited (:



I’ve actually never done this, never had the opportunity, but I’m pretty sure you find a therapist that you think might work, have a session or two with them to see if you’re on the same page as each other, see if you are finding meeting with them beneficial. If all goes well, continue seeing the therapist, if not, you can move on to someone new.

Kind of similar to an interview I guess, therapists should be welcome to answer your questions, if you have anything specific about what their approach entails, etc.

"This is also my experience of it, my sessions had to be cut short, but the beginning started with my T giving me an overview of Schema therapy, and what that entails."

Thanks. I think it's possible that she thinks she's explained Schema Therapy, and so when I tell her I'm confused she thinks she doesn't need to explain it again. But, as I type that out I realise that this is crazy. If it's already been explained to me and I don't get it, a therapist should re-explain it.
So, honestly, I just don't know what's going on. But, it's good to know that she probably should be explaining it. I find it so hard to trust my own judgements. Particularly when I don't want to be rude or unfair about someone, if I'm the problem!

Precisely.

After I have a short list of interesting candidates, I call them and set up interview appointments. Very nearly all therapists do those for free, usually a bit shorter than a regular appointment 15-30minutes although some book a full hour, and in person or over the phone, depends on the therapist.

During that time they get to outline how they like to work, (and if that lines up with how I like to work; for example, I do a lot better with 2 hour appointments than 1 hour appts), how they do treatment plans & favourite modalities, all the stuff I cannot read on their website, including the “it-factor” thing that’s our personalities intersecting

Thank you! I've decided to spend a few minutes each day, over the next week, compiling a list of questions for interviewing therapists. I guess that, at the end of the day, they ARE interviewing for a job. I'm paying them a lot of money for a service.

This is a really tricky situation you are in. On the one hand, your therapist might not be good for you. On the other hand, you might be perceiving your therapist as not good because you have CPTSD and, therefore, you have a "perception" problem. Your gut/body is stuck in your trauma and can't appropriately react to your current situation. I've been in therapy for 2 years (at least once a week, sometime 2-3 times, and once a month men's group) and am just now starting to connect my trauma to being activated and/or triggered. one of the hardest parts of starting the therapy process for CPTSD was understanding when I can and cannot trust my gut. Your journey is just beginning. Regardless of what therapist you use, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Fortunately, if you stick with it and honor yourself and care for your inner child, it will get better. Letting go and trusting an "authority" figure is not something any of us can easily do. It is scary. But, we are here with you and I will always wish peace and wellness for you.


You are not beyond help. All of this is very normal and predictable. It sounds like the simple fact of sitting in front of a therapist, knowing that she is going to start making you feel things you've spent your entire life repressing, is triggering you. Two months after I started this process, I ended up in the hospital with severe emotional flashbacks because my body took control and shut me down, trying to protect me. Stay the course...

Urumqi, thank you. I've been feeling so hopeless and depressed about all of this. I read your reply and thought, "Oh, wow. They understand me." Thanks. You've helped a lot.

 

[Urumqi]

Thank you! I've decided to spend a few minutes each day, over the next week, compiling a list of questions for interviewing therapists. I guess that, at the end of the day, they ARE interviewing for a job. I'm paying them a lot of money for a service.


Urumqi, thank you. I've been feeling so hopeless and depressed about all of this. I read your reply and thought, "Oh, wow. They understand me." Thanks. You've helped a lot.

I hear you flubber and understand. You are not alone. Do you have a support system (a group of people or a friend) that can follow along on your journey? If so, they will be essential for your healing. If not, grab the closest person to you and say “this is going to be weird, but I need you by my side…” love yourself and give yourself everything you need to heal and to find your peace. You’ve been waiting your whole life for this opportunity and here it is…!

Also, the part regarding your need to know if you’re overreacting is most certainly your trauma. You’ll learn to understand that you’re never overreacting. You may not be “accurate” with your perceptions but you will learn to allow your feelings to be exactly as they are without judgment. Your parents were alcoholics. By definition they were emotionally unavailable. That is to say, for your parents, any expression of your emotions or feelings would have been felt as an “overreaction.” Their dismissiveness and invalidation taught you to feel shame whenever you had feelings. Now, that shame is entrenched in you. You’ll learn to heal this. Stay the course…

 

[KathK]

Hi everyone, I'm new here.
I've just been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I'm certain I've had these for my entire life but always felt too ashamed to admit it. I just want to be normal. I had bad, violent parents who were both alcoholics. One of my parents, almost certainly, had a mental illness (some sort of psychotic thing). I'm pretty sure there was SA involved too, but I only have pictures in my head. I don't know for sure. I've had no contact with any of my family since I was 18. I've struggled with relationships, jobs, you name it. Basically, people scare me. The only time when I've ever felt like I "fit in" was the 8 years I worked in emergency services. But, of course, that added to my trauma and has made my anxiety even worse.

Anyway, I started looking for a psych and emailed a practice asking if anyone had experience with CPTSD. I started seeing a psych every second week since before Christmas and we've just had our fifth session. I'm really concerned and confused because I don't feel like we've done any real work in that time and it feels like I've been wasting my time and money.

Don't get me wrong, the psych is lovely, but I'm not sure whether she lacks experience and expertise (despite me telling her I was pretty sure I had CPTSD, prior to beginning therapy) or whether she finds me an interesting case to "look at" or whether my brain is screwing with me and I'm completely misunderstanding what is going on. I really need someone to give me some feedback.

I've brought up my confusion a few times and the psych, and her responses are clipped and (I think) sound defensive. So, that tactic isn't working. Of course, it's very possible that I am sounding angry or hostile when I ask questions. I know that when I get triggered I can sound really "prickly", so I haven't pushed back to her responses. I just feel like it would make the situation worse.

So, essentially, the sessions went like this:

Session I - Brief outline of the recent issues that have been triggering me and why I think I have CPTSD. Written tests for PTSD, anxiety, depression.

Next session - schema therapy questionnaire.

Session III - I thought would begin with the results of the schema therapy questionnaire, but something went wrong and we had to input the answers into the computer. She told me that I was high in a number of things (I don't remember) and asked me to think of the earliest memory of feeling defective. My brain froze and I couldn't think of the first time, but I did manage to come up with something from when I was a teen. She then did a thing with a chair where I had to talk to someone in the chair and tell them how I feel. I did my best (which was probably terrible), but I didn't understand what was happening, why we were doing it or what we were hoping to achieve. From what I've read from other posts on this site, schema therapy involves the therapist explaining schemas, what they are, how they work, how they affect us and then how the schema therapy exercises fit into all that. We didn't do any of that. I just felt confused and not sure how I was supposed to react. I apologised to her and told her I was sorry for not reacting like I should, but that I'd done my best and wasn't sure how I was supposed to respond. She pretty much moved on and ended the session.

Session IV she said she wanted me to do a personality assessment. I handed her a piece of paper with a heap of "key words and phrases" on it and explained that my brain had frozen last week and I couldn't think of the earliest incident of feeling defective. So, I wrote this out as something to aid my memory. I then asked if she could keep it for us to refer back to. She said yes and put it into my file.
I then mentioned again about not understanding what had happened with the chair exercise and reiterating my confusion with schema therapy. She told me that I had told her I didn't trust her and that we needed to build trust and I shouldn't try to build it too quickly. I wanted to correct her - I didn't tell her I don't trust her. I said I feel that nobody can "rescue me". But I just let it slide because I was feeling like I was being annoying and like that would make the situation worse.

Anyway, in our last session we actually did the personality assessment. I asked why we couldn't just talk about these questions, but she said that the assessment was more accurate, scientific and quicker. When I finished the assessment we had a few minutes left and I told her about an incident that happened (minor, really), which had caused my anxiety to skyrocket and my brain went offline for almost two days (it usually only goes offline for a few hours). We talked about it for a few minutes and she basically told me that my reaction was extreme and I should try not to react that way. There was no help with teaching me grounding or relaxation exercises or what to do when this sort of thing happens.

At this point, I was just utterly depressed and feeling hopeless. So, I again I explained I was confused and this time I asked what the "plan" was. She picked up my folder, skipped few a few pages and said, she could teach me relaxation exercises or refer me to someone for EMDR if the schema therapy wasn't working. It was at this point that my brain completely checked out. All I could think about was how we'd done one schema therapy exercise and she's not explained schema therapy to me, and why was she wasting my time and money with a personality assessment if she was thinking of referring me for EMDR?

I think the thing that's upsetting me most is that she hasn't really spoken with me. I've told her I'm married. She hasn't asked what I do for a job (except to fill in the top of the assessment form), hasn't asked who I live with, whether I have extended family, what supports I have, what my relationships are like etc. I thought that handing her that paper with key words relating to why I felt defective would prompt her to show some interest in me. Nope. It probably goes without saying that if I felt defective before, I'm feel even more so, now.

Can someone tell me if this is normal for the first few sessions? Am I over reacting? If I am, please tell me. It will probably hurt my feelings to be told that I am overreacting, but it's for my own good and I won't be able to heal unless I can work this out.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to badmouth the psych. She's lovely and I guess she's really nice (although I know nothing about her). I'm pretty certain the problem is me, I get stressed and confused and embarrassed in the sessions. My speech gets stilted and I'm probably just really annoying to be with. I'm confused and angry at myself for being like this. I want to change, but maybe I'm beyond help. At this stage, I am planning to terminate my therapy and hopefully get up the courage to try with someone else down the track. But I'm worried I'll just self-sabotage that too.

Any thoughts you have (no matter how hard they may be for me to hear), would be appreciated.

I just want to reassure you I agree with others here. Asking to have the treatment plan or approach and effectively getting a response of deflection or ending the session is not appropriate. I would definitely be changing therapists.
Yes, sometimes assessments can take time and trust building can take even longer, but even in my first sessions with any of the therapists I’ve had with experience working with trauma they’ve offered me the chance to ask questions and given me actual responses, and offered at least outlines of techniques to assist with key challenges at the time, even if only in brief or with a worksheet or one page of breathing exercises or what to do in a panic attack, if towards the end of the session. The deeper work never started properly until there was a level of trust and some techniques to manage symptoms (grounding, etc), regardless what approach the therapist used.
I’ve had to confront clinicians on their manner before and it was really hard and I typically needed support to do it (eg writing it out and taking trusted support person with me), and even then I might never return to them, one exception being my psychiatrist who I was pleasantly surprised to find appreciated the feedback and changed her approach and manner with me since though offered to transfer my care if I wanted (we now have a good working relationship and she chose to further educate and train in trauma to help me, but that’s unfortunately not typical).

In short, you’re not over-reacting and I agree with others, try a different therapist. Some can be lovely but not the right fit for various reasons, and any decent therapist shouldn’t take umbrage at you needing something different

 

[EveHarrington]

Oh my.

I’d move on simply for her saying to “not react that way” as she has no understanding of dissociation whatsoever.

I have been dissociation for most of my life and I can’t just “not do it” as it doesn’t work that way.

I have grounding skills I can use, but sometimes I just have to ride it out as nothing else helps.

I have been seeing a therapist who tells me to not talk about my ex or think about my ex. This is horrible for a number of reasons, the most important being that she KNOWS I struggle with obsessive thinking and you can’t just not think about something as that’s not how it works. She gives me worthless coping skills like “do something else” or “challenge your thoughts” which amounts to self gaslighting as my thoughts are intense and on speed, but NOT false. I gave her enough chances to help me when I had directly asked for help. The last straw was that she said some condescending things towards me about my family and I just thought “ENOUGH!” (I also learned that day that she’s bitter that her white daughter had no shot at getting into med school because she’s white, while her daughters non-white friends got in. The entitlement was astounding and at that point I had enough of her.)

At least I tried. I canceled my last 3 appointments as I was tired of losing a few days because therapy left me in a bad place.