Reasons to live / things you want to do


So I had this thread

What do you do with the pain of not wanting to exist?

And now I want to explore reasons to live, things I want to do and figure out stuff in this area.

People talk about having a sense of purpose and i don't know what i think about that yet but i can think of some things I'd like to do.

Wondering what everyone else thinks about this sort of thing? Appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thanks :)


The way I see it, we are the temporary hosts of billions of atoms. A lot of them hydrogen or oxygen, some nitrogen, carbon, with sprinklings of others.

All of them, star dust.

Somehow they've connected together in a way that generates consciousness.
One day they'll be recycled into other atomic configurations, most likely without that same consciousness.

If I think about it at that level, our purpose really is to make the most of this time we have.

So what if making the most of this life means filling it with things we love, things we enjoy, things that bring us a sense of fulfillment, or things that make the world a better place by us having lived.

For me, the latter has always been a big one: to make the world a better place by me having been alive.
To give something back in exchange for all the oxygen and footsteps I have taken.

Ultimately, I endeavour to give back through my research. Science is so delicately interwoven amongst humanity, that to further scientific knowledge is most definitely to further humanity and the world we live in.

But I've also learnt, particularly from spending time here, that it doesn't take discovering a cure for cancer to make the world a better place. In fact I've felt it in all the ways you all have made my world a better place.

I hope to be married one day, to have children, and to make their lives the best possible.

And I hope to one day understand, unequivocally, what recovery feels like.


After my breakdown I had to find another reason to live, since I couldn't work as an RN in the hospital anymore. I was devastated by that, and wrote in my journal things I liked to do. Not that I thought others would like me to like to do, or things I thought I should like to do, and I discovered that I wasn't without a passion.

I started doing the things I loved, like mini farming and scrapbooking, and realized that I was making the world a better place through my efforts at selling organic eggs and raising organic produce. I learned how to deal with things I didn't want in my garden in a way that doesn't hurt the earth.

So, the first step of finding what I liked to do led me to a sense of purpose. It wasn't easy for me since I was really sick, but it has given me a comforting place to live and feel I am contributing to helping the earth.


Not Active
I have struggled with this one to be honest. I don't need a reason live as much as I need a reason to care for myself. Since I have to exist then I don't want to feel even worse by not taking care of myself. I may joke with myself by thinking that I won't cease to exist until I finally want to stay for good.
As you can imagine, therapists didn't appreciate this answer. But, its a truth I know in my heart. At times, it feels like a tragic comedy I can have a laugh over.
I have moments where I'm glad I was here. When I am able to help another or have some type of positive influence on a situation. Those moments make me feel like my contribution may be small but, meaningful. That feels good and makes it feel like my life can matter in small amounts. And even small amounts can add up to a whole lot of worth.

Tornadic Thoughts

I ask myself this often and tend to have as many different answers as I have questions. So much for simplifying life. lol I used to think I pretty much knew my purpose, mainly defined by the jobs and various life roles I had. But when I had to resign after being treated like shit, and then some, while trying to do the right thing, it blew that theory all to hell.

Then I painfully learned my main purpose is apparently to become more intimate with myself and learn all the ways I can nurture thyself through self-care. That concept was quite foreign to me before, as I was always the one caring for others. Prior to that realization, intimacy had a totally different meaning, especially as a childhood sexual abuse/teenage rape/repeated domestic abuse survivor, as I was steadily trying to find myself and meet my most basic needs in and through others. Now I feel I innerstand intimacy more clearly as "into-me-I-see".

Somewhere along those blurred lines that I often repeatedly tripped over, I miraculously rediscovered child-like wonders and joy that I missed out on, or at least I don't remember them, as a child, especially those that are nature related. I'm so easily entertained now that the least little thing can keep me intrigued and curious enough to want to stick around and see what comes of it, and what comes of me as a result of remaining mindfully aware.

I also learned mindful awareness is a double-edged sword, especially as I'd learn things I didn't even know I needed to know. Once I saw and learned those things, I couldn't unsee them, but it taught me I had a whole lot of previous programs embedded into my neural pathways (traditions/religions/consumption habits/etc.) that I had to unlearn for the health of it to make room for new experiences. Shining a light on the new experinces served as an eye-opening reminder that the brighter the light gets, the darker the shadows become.


Those moments make me feel like my contribution may be small but, meaningful.

This is an important thought. Any small contribution is meaningful. We don't have to be a superhero to have a superpower.

Then I painfully learned my main purpose is apparently to become more intimate with myself and learn all the ways I can nurture thyself through self-care.

This is also an important idea. The fact that you care to care for yourself and know who you are is a huge passion.


With J having this new government position his whole outlook on life has changed for the better. He is excited for the future and is happy to go to work again.

When he was working in the civilian sector he was so stressed. The only thing all his hard work was doing was making the owners richer. Now he has a feeling of importance again and is getting paid well for all of his skills and contributions. (It's amazing what a little acknowledgment can do for a person's psyche and self esteem)

He said a couple of weeks ago... "You know what people like me need to get better? What, Lovey? We need the support of a great loving understanding woman (that's me!! ?❤) or man and a job where our skills, education and knowledge are needed and valued."

"Needed and valued" ~ J ~ 11/2019



I want to be able to travel and try new things with enthusiasm.....and not with tons of if I'm flying or by myself traveling. In my own car, I can drive anywhere.....and have very few fears because I take precautions. I's like to keep creating things....I love making sculptures of birds, and I'd like to give back what I learned (I teach recorder lessons for free) and I do that with my music with the elderly...I'll be old someday.....a pay it forward kinda thing. I want to be able to fix up my house without being afraid of screwing it up. The house- a work in progress. And I just want to live a kind life, a gentle life, without drama and craziness for the time I have left on earth with people who also have a similar agenda.


This may sound stupid to others. I don't know that I can make any great contribution to the betterment of the world. However, the meaning of my life is to be a source of love and light, compassion, acceptance, forgiveness; for myself and others to the best of my ability. To be a true humanitarian.

I want to live a quiet, gentle, and simple life of love, generosity, and compassion. And to lead as an example of what it is to be a good, decent man and human being. I want to do this for everyone, but for my daughter and my niece especially. They have had poor male role models in the past and I want to change that for them while I still have time. They are the last remaining members of my family and so my role as a father and father-figure is extremely important to me. I just want to be a loving soul in general, supporting others on their healing path, and being a good friend. I simply want to continue being the best "old hippie" that I can be. :)


@Lionheart777 its not stupid. Its actually beautiful you can think that way.

I honestly have trouble with this. My family just got through things that would have been worse if I had died years ago. Beyond them I have no actual idea of why I'm still here.

I'm a wife and mother but those things didn't matter at all at the time of my attempt years ago. I haven't found my purpose to be. Because my family needs me just wasn't and at times still isn't enough.

I guess I still try because I occupy this body that is cared about more than I actually care about myself.

I'd love to say I have this lovely , beautiful vision of hope that i'll someday become. It probably would be amazing to feel that light and etc. I just haven't found it.