Rebuilding & Moving Towards Stability

Status
Not open for further replies.

Friday

Moderator
Send snowboard equipment to hell... Friday has an address.

This is something I've been working towards for the past few years, now. While at the same time working against just taking both middle fingers, flipping off the world, and heading for the equator. ((If you're gonna be full on homeless? Be smart. Go where it's warm. Granted, I damn near ended up in Northern Europe a week ago, and the last thing one can say about Scandinavia in winter is that it's warm ;) I'm only smart sometimes.)) To say it's been a bit of a push and pull understates things just a smidge.

Is it perfect? Hell no. In fact, the damn thing is brick, so any little earth shake and I'll be arms and legs in a big damn pile of rubble. Snort. I'm breaking serious personal rules deciding to live long term -more than a day or three- in any pile of rubble waiting to happen. But everything in life is a trade off. What this place does meet are the minimum standards I parsed out a couple years ago of what I needed if I decided to live. Is it everything I want? Nope. But it's everything I need.

I still don't always want to live, don't want to be -much less work towards- stability. A lot of the time it's still moving from bright point to bright point through the dark and just trusting that I knew what I was doing during the last point; following through with reasoning I don't presently understand, much less grok or agree with.

Having a place that's mine, address or no, that I can set up to start building routines, managing symptoms, and rebuilding a life? Is part of that. It's been a few years. So I expect it will go badly, at first. I am seriously out of practice on how to exist around other people, much less pay bills & deal with other bits of paper; and I've still got a fierce strong desire to simply get on a plane, or stick my thumb out, and bail. To head to the nearest catastrophe -where things make sense- and not look back. This is a step away from that. It doesn't feel good, I'm not excited about it, and it doesn't make sense at the moment. But it made sense last week, and I'm hoping it will make sense again fairly soon. Set up a home base, build something worth coming back to, before heading to the nearest catastrophe. I can remember that much of The Plan. The rest is beyond me at the moment. That's okay.

This is just one step towards stability. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to slot the rest in here over time. But it's a step I've been fighting tooth & nail for, and equally hard avoiding the hell out of, for years now.

I pick up keys in a few hours.
 
Last edited:
D

Deleted member 27340

Where in the world did you end up settling for now (if you said where I missed it)? Congrats and good luck!

I damn near ended up in Northern Europe a week ago, and the last thing one can say about Scandinavia in winter is that it's warm ;)
It's not that cold :p Were you in the flat one, the fjordy one or the one with IKEA?
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
To quote my T (looking across the room at me, over the top of his glasses)

"Sometimes you just have to decide to act like a group up........" (He's actually said that more than once and has gone different directions from there, depending on what got him started. "It's not going to hurt you" is normally implied along the way. :wideeyed: :rolleyes:)

Good luck with this!
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
Seriously. Well done. Based on my own historical data, although it is bumpy at first, keeping one's eye on the prize of 'routine' (which is important to teach to kids, so why not to ourselves), has been the.single.most helpful factor in my recovery. Enjoy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top