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Rebuilding my life after finding out husband is a pathological liar

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Deleted member 27125

Hi everyone. I have C-PTSD and chronic pain. I've been out of work for over a year. I got married a little over a year ago - I thought my husband was the nicest, most loving person, up until a week ago. Recently I have been making more concrete steps to combine our finances - I had been trying to do so for the last year but he didn't follow through, whenever the topic of money came up he became stressed and angry with me. Last week, he left me a note saying that he's been lying to me for years about how much he has in his savings account - he has been living paycheck to paycheck, but he had been saying we had x amount, which would go toward our future home together. I discovered that he has a shopping addiction - a lot of electronics, which he made up elaborate stories about how he got them for free. He lied about how much money he made through his hobby, quite a sizable amount. I also discovered he has a problem with compulsive overeating, and has been spending a lot of money on expensive food. He has lied about how much our bills cost (the ones he manages). I am devastated. I want a divorce but I have to stay married to him because I need to be on his health insurance. I have a lot of health issues. I am also needing to find a job ASAP which is causing me tremendous stress because I only have a Bachelor's degree in a field I would need more education to pursue. Does anyone have advice? I feel heartbroken, scared, and it's hard to not let my hopelessness win. I don't have any friends my age. I have a decent amount of savings from when I used to work, but it wouldn't touch the cost of my medical bills if I didn't have insurance. It is difficult to live with my husband. Can pathological liars change? He is starting therapy, but I don't know how effective that will be. I don't want to be dependent on my husband. I'm trying to find the courage to move forward but I feel lost.
 
I want a divorce but I have to stay married to him because I need to be on his health insurance.

Lawyer. I really can't underscore that enough. Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. Really. Consult with one, and get everything laid out in black and white. ASAP. Wherher you decide to file or not.

Depending on the State you live in most divorces take 1-3 years (depending on whether there is a required 1-2 year separation time). During that time, you'd still be on health insurance, as you'd still legally be married. Once you're legally divorced, the court may order that he keep you on his insurance for XYZ period of time. In my case, I think it was a little under a year. So, in most states, you'd be looking at a minimum of a whole year to find new insurance, and up to 3-4 years... Depending on how long your divorce drags out for. Your lawyer will be able to give you the actual numbers (as well as everything else; best case/probable/highly unlikely) specific to your case.

^^^
Just one of many reasons to consult an attorney.
 
Even if you file for divorce, he can be obligated to keep you on his health ins for a certain amount of time.
If he started out the relationship on lies, what parts do you know to be true? How would you trust him again if you don't even know who he really is?
I agree with @Friday: Lawyer Lawyer Lawyer. They usually give free consultations do go to a couple and ask as many questions as you can. You haven't been married that long so your divorce could be quicker than you think and with all of his lies the least he can do is keep you on his insurance since he has no money.
 
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