Sufferer Recently diagnosed and trying to get better

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Hello, I have been on this site for a couple months but this is my first time posting. You may refer to me as “Soup” cause I like soup, and I am in my mid-20s. I’ve only gotten a proper diagnosis just recently after a few months of researching on PTSD and even much longer suspecting that I had PTSD.

The traumatic event(s) that affected me was sexual assault while I was 8 years old by a male teacher of a daycare that I went to. I don’t remember much about the things that happened. I don’t remember how many times it happened, but I know that it occurred more than once. It only stopped when I became aware that he was touching me and I didn’t like it. He always managed to get me alone in a room by asking for head massages, but after I realised what he was doing to me, I pretended I didn’t hear him asking for massages again (so that I wouldn’t be alone in the same room as him). He didn’t stay at the daycare after the school year ended. And all I felt was relief, even when my other daycare mates would say they miss him.

For a little while I wouldn’t think about it or say anything about it. At 10 years old, I finally put a name to what he he did to me. I still said nothing. I think I tried to tell a friend, but I knew I didn’t want her to get involved/burdened. I remember the first time I told someone was two girls in my class at 13 yo. I don’t know why I told them and I was very vague about it, but I‘d like to think it helped.

The first family member I told was my sister at age 14. I kinda said it in a joking way, but my sister kinda took me aside and pretty much demanded me to be serious (she was just concerned). I think that was when the situation actually settled in my mind. Something about telling somebody who cared about me that it happened made it more real. I didn’t tell my parents until I was 19. According to my parents, they’ve known from my sister (and my brother (I assume my sister told him too)) and have just been waiting for me to talk to them myself. And I’m honestly so relieved that my sister told them. To know that my family is on my side, I could finally breath easily.

I have had PTSD symptoms ( the flashbacks, triggers, the anxiety) ever since I was in primary school. Initially, it would only come every 6 months or so and wouldn’t last too long. But for the past 5 years or so (and especially during the COVID years), the flashbacks and anxiety have gotten frequent and worse. I remember reading a book that I was looking forward to, but there was a triggering scene that pushed me into a breakdown. I only managed to calm down after 30 minutes. Never touched the book again. At a certain point it just became too much too quickly, and I asked my parents for help. They did.

Only in the past month I’ve seen a professional to at least address my symptoms and have gotten a proper PTSD diagnosis. The actual counselling session doesn’t happen until next month, but I’m really hopeful that this will help.

I stumbled upon this site a few days before asking my parents for help, and it really motivated me to get better. So, thank you to the mods and the people posting. I genuinely couldn’t have done it without you.
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Welcome to the forum - it's great that you've found motivation to get well again. I hope the counselling session goes well and that you click well with your T.

I've removed the trigger warning from your post. We don't use them here, since triggers can be anything and everything with ptsd, so basically every post would need a TW! You can read more about that and the community vibe here in the Community Constitution.

Again, welcome, and glad you found us:)
Hello HeartySoup,

I'm really happy that you have solid family support in this: people who it seems aren't pushing you one way or another.

COVID was so hard for a lot of people; it brought out, or exacerbated, issues that maybe we thought weren't there anymore.

I like soup too, and look forward to making more in the fall when it's cooler. Cold soup is okay, but I haven't made any myself. I used to have this cold soup recipe flagged to make in the summer. let me see if I can find a similar one (I got rid of the magazine it was in).
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