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Sexual Assault Recognizing the Signs of Childhood Grooming and Its Lasting Effects

chihayafuru

Policy Enforcement
When I was 7 I wanted to touch and suck other boys my age though I knew I'd get told off if adults knew. When he lived with us (my abuser) I think I was 19 and I would often sit next to him in the living room when it was just him in there, to see if he'd do anything but then I'd also get scared if he moved. Apparently this was just my brains way of trying to survive. But I also got urges to get his penis out of his trousers and rub it until it hopefully got hard and suck it a bit.
I now think this was a sign of little me being groomed and when I was older my subconscious was trying to reenact it. I felt like I was just crazy before.
What do people think about this?
 
At 19 it’s pretty normal to want to go down on someone, or to think about going down on someone (two different things)… as well as any/every other aspect of sex.

Regardless of age, for victims of abuse, it’s very common to be hyper vigilant about keeping an abuser happy / anticipating needs/wants before being asked, solving problems in advance, accustoming yourself to things before they happen so they’re not as difficult, gaming out various kinds of distractions, etc.

- So, sure. It could be older-you remembering/transposing sexual abuse of younger you.

- Or it could be normal for your age group to be thinking about sex.

- Or it could be a common effect of trauma, playing out various ways in your mind to anticipate & deal with problems, before they become problems.

Or all/none of the above.
 
At 19 it’s pretty normal to want to go down on someone, or to think about going down on someone (two different things)… as well as any/every other aspect of sex.

Regardless of age, for victims of abuse, it’s very common to be hyper vigilant about keeping an abuser happy / anticipating needs/wants before being asked, solving problems in advance, accustoming yourself to things before they happen so they’re not as difficult, gaming out various kinds of distractions, etc.
I think thinking about sex in general at that age is normal but not with your abuser who is ill and old and a family member who you have no attraction to whatsoever
 
I think thinking about sex in general at that age is normal but not with your abuser who is ill and old and a family member who you have no attraction to whatsoever
That’s why I said common, although I suppose I could have said ‘normal for victims of abuse’, or ‘normal for people with PTSD from certain trauma histories’… and gave a short -incomplete- list of examples why that often happens…that have zip zero nada zilch to do with attraction or desire.

(Although there’s also a significant percentage of people who do find themselves both attracted to their abuser, as well as to people who remind them of their abuser in various ways; age, bearing, demeanor, character, personality; what they look like, smell like, act like, think like, feel like, present like, etc.)
 
When 7 year old me was on the school trip and wanted to touch and give oral sex to other boys, I had a thought that I don't want to get stuff (cum) in my mouth and I don't believe I would had these urges and thoughts unless I had experienced it directly. This still feels weird and uncomfortable for me to think about.
 
how would other people if they'd had this thought ( message above this one) as a child and then remembered it when they were older?
 
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