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Recreating myself

Thread starter #1
I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, I've been out of it a little over a year now. Last year was difficult, thought I was going to go mad but now I find myself isolating because I know how to make healthier choices in who I choose to connect with but now I feel like my trauma keeps me from connecting. I'm past that place where you run back into it or run looking for new trauma...I don't who this person is. I like her more but I'm very uncomfortable.
 
#4
You are strong, a survivor, and making healthy decisions. 💪
It can be really hard to set much needed boundaries without avoiding people in an unhealthy way. Especially when your personal boundary line has been repeatedly and routinely crossed in the past. How can you know who to trust?
I'm still in that stage myself. I've found this forum helpful though!
 
Thread starter #5
You are strong, a survivor, and making healthy decisions. 💪
It can be really hard to set much needed boundaries without avoiding people in an unhealthy way. Especially when your personal boundary line has been repeatedly and routinely crossed in the past. How can you know who to trust?
I'm still in that stage myself. I've found this forum helpful though!
Thank you. I know real strength comes in accepting the whole truth about your situation and having the courage to fail, admit defeat so that you can live to breath another day. I have definitely been guilty of trauma jumping; escaping one battle only to find myself in another. I learned the lesson meant to learn in a violent relationship, that I alone protect me. I don't talk about it with people like I used to in the past. I once thought that my story would inspire others, I think it does but only to a degree. At a certain point people don't understand and more often than not anyone who's been through abuse is still in it or on their way to the next. I understand why no one talks about this part, it's almost impossible to explain. I'm at this place that I now know that my poor choices to protect myself and respect my character at such a level that I'll never choose that again. However, I feel as though my survival is also what seperates me from those who choose carefully. I would never wish for a person with healthy boundaries to experience any level of trauma, it permanently changes you. I will never be the same, I don't even want to be that girl but in a way me, that girl and trauma are locked together for life. Not seeking it can leave you with a lot of uncertainty. As far as choices go, I would definitely choose uncertainty even though ATM it's more unbearably that the abuse.
 
#6
If you're not ready to be around lots of people then don't be around lots of people. Collect your thoughts, take a breather and relax a bit. Then when you're ready, go out a bit out of your comfort zone to get acquainted again. No one says you have to go out and do X or date someone or anything else, but don't completely give up on something you like either.

Since I'm an introvert I don't really need social situations to make me content, I have my hobbies which I like. I like going out and going stuff, but not necessarily with too many other people. I just like me and my wife, or just a small group.

Find out what works for you, to help you move forward, and do that. :)
 
Thread starter #7
If you're not ready to be around lots of people then don't be around lots of people. Collect your thoughts, take a breather and relax a bit. Then when you're ready, go out a bit out of your comfort zone to get acquainted again. No one says you have to go out and do X or date someone or anything else, but don't completely give up on something you like either.

Since I'm an introvert I don't really need social situations to make me content, I have my hobbies which I like. I like going out and going stuff, but not necessarily with too many other people. I just like me and my wife, or just a small group.

Find out what works for you, to help you move forward, and do that. :)
Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm so afraid that if I don't push myself to socialize, I will isolate in a way that's very unhealthy. I to am an introvert but I think to truly enjoy my alone time, it's important to let the world drain me a bit. If that makes sense? That's also one of the reasons I'm isolating now, the world seems to consume me.
 
S

Sponge42

#8
I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, I've been out of it a little over a year now. Last year was difficult, thought I was going to go mad but now I find myself isolating because I know how to make healthier choices in who I choose to connect with but now I feel like my trauma keeps me from connecting. I'm past that place where you run back into it or run looking for new trauma...I don't who this person is. I like her more but I'm very uncomfortable.
I was in an abusive relationship for years. I want to say I am so proud of you for walking away and valuing how great you are !...You deserve healthy love. The transition and rebuilding who you are without abuse can be challenging and awkward. However, it is great that you have taken the past year to heal yourself. As you explore this new relationship, just start with baby steps. I hope everything works out for you and you find a healthy love again.
 
#9
Thank you. I know real strength comes in accepting the whole truth about your situation and having the courage to fail, admit defeat so that you can live to breath another day. I have definitely been guilty of trauma jumping; escaping one battle only to find myself in another. I learned the lesson meant to learn in a violent relationship, that I alone protect me. I don't talk about it with people like I used to in the past. I once thought that my story would inspire others, I think it does but only to a degree. At a certain point people don't understand and more often than not anyone who's been through abuse is still in it or on their way to the next. I understand why no one talks about this part, it's almost impossible to explain. I'm at this place that I now know that my poor choices to protect myself and respect my character at such a level that I'll never choose that again. However, I feel as though my survival is also what seperates me from those who choose carefully. I would never wish for a person with healthy boundaries to experience any level of trauma, it permanently changes you. I will never be the same, I don't even want to be that girl but in a way me, that girl and trauma are locked together for life. Not seeking it can leave you with a lot of uncertainty. As far as choices go, I would definitely choose uncertainty even though ATM it's more unbearably that the abuse.
I personally believe that when you have “unprocessed trauma” you are like a magnet seeking out a similarly charged magnet. So to accept blame doesn’t apply because once you “change your charge” you will find that You/I am no longer attracted to those type of people.

This whole recovery thing has illuminated several big points to be that I have found to be shocking, this is one of them.
 
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