I was always really scared of wasps, bees and hornets as a kid, even though (or probably because) I've never been stung before. Since I've been going out a lot more this year, because of lockdown of all things, I've just become used to the things buzzing past my ear without me ducking and running. The problem was bees are fast and have stingers, so I could neither run from them nor hit them.
Now I just ignore them and they buzz on happily.
Now I'm remembering weird and specific nightmares/phobias I had when I was little that didn't seem strange at the time, one I remember clearly was turning over in the bed and seeing a man sized bumble bee staring at me, with great big eyes and mandibles and fur and twitching as it's front legs moved about me. Another is the knowledge that they were outside my room's door, and I couldn't go about the house and was essensially trapped in my man sizes wasps or bees. There were more but I can't remember them all clearly, just the general theme. For a long time I couldn't sleep on my front without 'feeling' one of them above me putting the stinger in my anus or something, I always rolled over, was certain human sized wasps weren't real and tried to ignore the presence.
EDIT: I should mention I was a teenager at this time. But I'm starting to connect the dots to certain incidents and how an 11-12 year old might have interpreted someone in an instance where I was unable to run from them nor hit them. Is that possible? That instead of thinking over a problem I can't go back in time to avoid, my brain, on its own, takes another phobia I had at the time and all the fears and nightmares are stapled onto that?
Now I just ignore them and they buzz on happily.
Now I'm remembering weird and specific nightmares/phobias I had when I was little that didn't seem strange at the time, one I remember clearly was turning over in the bed and seeing a man sized bumble bee staring at me, with great big eyes and mandibles and fur and twitching as it's front legs moved about me. Another is the knowledge that they were outside my room's door, and I couldn't go about the house and was essensially trapped in my man sizes wasps or bees. There were more but I can't remember them all clearly, just the general theme. For a long time I couldn't sleep on my front without 'feeling' one of them above me putting the stinger in my anus or something, I always rolled over, was certain human sized wasps weren't real and tried to ignore the presence.
EDIT: I should mention I was a teenager at this time. But I'm starting to connect the dots to certain incidents and how an 11-12 year old might have interpreted someone in an instance where I was unable to run from them nor hit them. Is that possible? That instead of thinking over a problem I can't go back in time to avoid, my brain, on its own, takes another phobia I had at the time and all the fears and nightmares are stapled onto that?
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