Reduced Emotional Range. Is That Normal?

[heading out]

I've been poking around trying to find some comments on this but didn't. None of the doctors I have seen have addressed this. Is this associated with PTSD? I have often described my emotions as muted, never elated nor furious. The only emotion I ever feel fully is sadness; deep deep sadness. I don't live in a sad state, but I can feel it, unlike the rest of the emotions. I have six children. I feel very much in love with all of them, but I was never thrilled over the top at any births or from any of their (or my own) accomplishments. I've never felt rage at the people who have hurt me. When I am fortunate enough to feel angry it rarely lasts more than an hour. I've shared this with all the mental health practitioners I've seen, but as mentioned, none have ever commented on it.

-Diana

 

[bright_morning]

It's been normal for me. I think reduced emotional range is part of the denial system, the first layer of defense for a lot of us. I was numb for a long time.

 

[heading out]

Thank you. I wonder/ed if it is related to disassociation. I have only had a few memory lapses, one just recently, but it was not related to any of the abuse I've suffered. They were just painful experiences and I needed to ask the person who was there what happened. Because I couldn't remember conversations. The worst part for me is that I have one of the most amazing memories of anyone I've ever known. Missing chunks of time is especially distressing. The numbness or muted emotions I'm used to; I've never lived any other way, but I don't want to live this way. I want to feel.

 

[treble.maker]

Yeah, I am a lot more emotionally numb than I used to be, for sure. Whenever my T or anyone asks me my opinion on one thing, or how I feel about another, I pretty much never have a good answer. I just say things like "it's ok" or "i dont mind it".

I tend to think it is in the same category of dissociation as well, because for me it has the same sort of feeling.

 

[cora]

Yes, I understand exactly what you mean. My partner actually made me aware of it. Its true with me as well that sadness is the only emotion I can feel with any depth. But more so for others than myself. I can feel the pain or sadness off someone very easily. Do you find that if you dream(i do very regularly) that you feel sadness to a very scary depth and felt werid for a day or so after? I agree with you I think that it is part of dissociating. For me it also feels safer to always be in control of how i feel. I feel safer when I am numb. I also learned as a child i think to never dream or get your hopes up and ive learned to live predicatably. Im not very good at explaining my thoughts so i hope it makes some sense. Thanks for the post I felt a little more normal....

 

[Lucycat]

Yes, emotional numbing is all part and parcel of this wonderful disorder we have. Another problem is emotional dysregulation. That is when you feel the emotions but they are either out of proportion or inappropriate.

 

[The Albatross]

Heading out, It can improve. I am feeling most all now except the higher range stuff like exhuberant, joy, excited... that kind of thing. It takes a while but it can happen.

 

[Shellbell]

I don't have the 'normal' emotions regarding some parts of my trauma. But apparently the emotional numbing is normal for PTSD.

I also dissociate a fair bit now, particularly under stress/anxiety and when starting to feel any emotions - which is also 'normal' for PTSD.

 

[Rain]

I am numb emotionally. I think it is the medication I am on. Before I was on medication, I was a basket case of anxiety. I try to be cheerful, and I can laugh. I do not get excited about anything. I feel good day after day, but not too excited about it. I should be feeling great relief having so many good days. I really think it is the medication used to stabalize me. I am stable and I am very grateful for that.

 

[heading out]

Cora, I know exactly what you mean about not getting one's hopes up and living predictably. I've had therapists ask me why I don't think people change and my response is always "BECAUSE THEY DON'T!!!" Why would anyone choose to hope for that? Why hope for anything? I might wish, I might plan, but I never hope. I remember as a young child telling my father I always expect the worst and he thought that was a terrible way to live. I feel it's protected me from a lot of pain and disappointment, much like not feeling has protected me. Maybe when I learn to feel I can feel safe hoping too.

 

[Phil4423]

I'll share my experience in hope that it helps you. On my first visit with my T I was asked "who do you have that has unconditional love for you" -- inquiring into my support system. I froze (later learning about dissociation, etc.). I couldn't come up with a single name. Like you said, I've expected the worse in people. Even people who have only had my best interests in mind, I've built up theories that they must be acting in their own self-interest. I've had an emotional barrier up dating as far back as I can remember that prevents me from really feeling happiness, love, etc. I think when good things happen to me (people loving me), I block them out for fear that this may all just fall apart and let me down.

It wasn't until recently that I've begun to let just *some* of these things in, and I recommend you work towards doing the same... good luck..

 

[99Phoenix99]

. The worst part for me is that I have one of the most amazing memories of anyone I've ever known. Missing chunks of time is especially distressing. The numbness or muted emotions I'm used to; I've never lived any other way, but I don't want to live this way. I want to feel.

I know how you feel to some extent. I have an excellent memory as well, especially for facts, but I have gaps of up to months missing. It scares me and confuses others (especially those who know me). I lived about 7 years mostly numb with muted emotions, for me that's how I learned to survive those years. I just took what happened and sloshed it aside and continued on because I didn't have time for feelings. With me feelings weren't considered because I was fighting for my life in the hospital.

I wasn't sad exactly, but never was I ever really happy. I just kind of... existed. Robotically, with minor amusements here and there I managed to get day to day. I did that for so long I had forgotten what it was to really FEEL. For the longest time I didn't even realize.... I thought that WAS normal. But then something snapped. The thing that finally broke the last straw. And then this past year I was SLAMMED with feelings. Anger, resentment, fear, guilt, terror, and so many other things. For months I couldn't process it. I'm just barely learning to process it now. Half of the time I long for the days of being numb. The other half of the time I'm confused with all of these emotions. But I will admit feeling emotions... it really makes you feel alive whether it's good or bad.

So... I'll just say this. I hope that one day you can feel what it is that you want to feel. But I hope that it doesn't hit you all at once. However if it does, be patient. It WILL take time. I have a feeling that since you want to feel... it may very well unlock someday soon. It's one thing to be numb. It's another thing entirely to be numb and want out.