I was 33 when my truth caught up with me. I resigned from the NSW Police force in Australia and fell apart. I had PTSD, but not from my work but from my childhood. I laughingly say I joined with PTSD to save time. I had gone to a lot of domestics in my last 6 months and seeing kids cowering in fear was too much. I went on to a disability pension and went to therapy and AA meetings etc. I would stay home a lot and watch TV. I have not worked in over 30 years and would be considered a loser and a failure by sections of the community. I had to let go of all societies narratives about success and create my own. With the horrendous abuse I am an amazing success by still being alive at 64. Many die from alcohol and drug abuse and suicide. I tried all 3 but I guess even God does not want me. Boom boom. I have had periods of not being able to shower or cook a meal. As I lay in bed of a night I count up on my fingers my successes during the day. Had a shower 1. Cooked a healthy meal 2. Talked to a friend or my sister on the phone 3. Vacuumed 4. Read a daily reading 5. One thing I am angry about from the verbal abuse is that I developed a strong, overbearing personality that lights up as soon as I am in company. I do not know how to read a room and don't know the social niceties of conversation and just blab my way in. I do not do it with friends or my sister. I have tried to overcome this by going to events and learning but I had to give up. A funny thing though is I had compassion for myself because I knew the full story of what made me that way. People who listen to shock jocks and read the wrong papers can be cruel but I know they are making an opinion based on not very much evidence. Those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.