ED Relapse in eating disorder

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Sietz

MyPTSD Pro
I'm not sure if I can call it relapse if I've never been really free from it for more than six months. But anyway..

I used to starve myself since I was a kid, 12 maybe, or 13. Then 4 years ago I started binging.. Eating my emotions.

There was a period between October last year and March this year on which I regained a normal, healthy and curvy weight.
Then a bunch of stressors came along and the progress went out of the window.

It doesn't help at all that my meds make me hungry all the time, changed my metabolism and make weird things to my blood sugar. I have to be really careful with anything that transforms into sugar in the bloodstream because of that, so I can't go around eating carbs or do the regular eating disorder recovery either.
I have to be on a diet, and it has to be low carb. Prescribed by pdoc and gp.

Then I feel like the weakest link, because I can't keep up with it.

If I keep this up I'll end up diabetic.

So I'm feeling like shit. I resumed today my low carb diet, cooked a good low carb lunch and will cook a good low carb dinner too.
There's this adaptation period now, so probably feeling like crap while my body doesn't adjust.

I've discussed this with various Ts but none of them thinks it matters and keep saying it's fine if I'm fat. Which is besides the point, but ok.
Pdoc worries though, and keeps asking me about it but I only see her every 2 or 3 months.

Sorry for the long post.

I don't want to count calories, or weigh my food but maybe I'll need to do it for a while, just until getting used to low carb again.

Anyone else with this particular issue?
 

Sietz

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks for the reply Ronin.
Didn't think of that.

But next T session I'll try to approach the subject a different way.

I can't afford both docs more regularly than this.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
*nods* So thinking of it otherwise: What do they do for you / how do they change your thinking about eating or yourself or control (or whichever things play in your eating issues), what do you do differently when in touch?

Thinking if that is not something you can do for yourself, in the meantime. Self help that is stabilizing and not slipping back into the old known patterns, after thinking through more knowingly *how* do other people help.
 

hithere

MyPTSD Pro
I'm not sure if I can call it relapse if I've never been really free from it for more than six months. Bu...
There are two sisters who have written a few books, and they do a podcast. Their company is "Trim Healthy Mama" (THM) and they have a wonderful plan that takes a little bit of sitting down to educate oneself, but they insist and I believe we need carbs or our bodies will freak out eventually. However, it's the type of carb that needs to be careful about. For me I was so hungry and so I did some "parts" work on my own from the IFS book and right away I saw the part that was starving! Acknowledging that part and listening to why it was starving (which was very fascinating and of course hello TRAUMA) it called way down and negotiated with me to choose wiser and I am trying to be kinder and gentler to that part because wow what a bunch of stuff it has been carrying around protecting me from!
As far as nuts and bolts of eating, rather than get strict with counting and stuff, I instead up my proteins and make my own blender drinks with Collagen and/or Whey and sometimes lecithin or gelatin. I use ice, almond milk, berries or oatmeal with zero fat cottage cheese. Or I make a hot coffee or hot tea drink with some MCT Oil and some collagen and lecithin. The hot drinks also cause fat cells to dump (thus lots of whizzing afterwards) but it calms me down emotionally and satiates that hunger feeling. I hope this wasn't too much info.
 

Sietz

MyPTSD Pro
:D thanks @bellbird, I think I should check in here.

I haven't binged or starved in a while, since writing this.
I'm doing my appropriate diet and losing the extra weight, don't want to lose too much, I'm actually feeling pretty good about my body recently - which is great for me, if you know me and my weird idea of myself.

I still see myself very skinny in my dreams when I'm sleeping, so it isn't completely resolved yet, but I'm on the right path.
 

Abstract

MyPTSD Pro
Hi Siertz,

Well done for facing all this. I found in the past that having to be "careful" while trying to vanquish the ED mindset entirely was more tricky. I needed to be really careful how I worded the things I was doing. That I wasn't inadvertently giving the ED mindspace fuel if that makes sense.

I'm with you in having a relapse. Mine after 7 solid years recovery that I thought nothing could budge.
 
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