Hi Everyone,
I am new to this site. I have been in EMDR therapy for a number of years trying to heal unresolved trauma. It seems to be getting more and more complex. That is my feeling around it. It is no secret that my relationships have been severely impacted, despite being with my partner and father of two kids 16yrs and one or two close friends that is it. No-one can really get close to me. My therapist has seen various sides to me and my deep vulnerabilities. I find it incredibly difficult to be loved and cared for without feeling immense shame and sadness. My first port to call is anger, or disbelief. It can't all be me, is what comes to mind. My therapist says all the time the issue isn't what is happening around you or with others it is you, aka me. I feel so ashamed and alienated when she says things like that to me. I struggle to hear what she says without feeling defensive either consciously or unconsciously. I feel stuck in this relational pattern and I can't bring myself to the reality of what she is saying. I am deeply concerned I won't be able to handle it. OR what even lies within. It has to be bad in that any time someone gets close to it there is a reaction. I am so confused and terribly frustrated. Can anyone relate? How do you know you are healing relational trauma? How did you override the defense mechanisms. And are you able to connect with others on a deeper level without feeling shamed or profound sadness?
I am new to this site. I have been in EMDR therapy for a number of years trying to heal unresolved trauma. It seems to be getting more and more complex. That is my feeling around it. It is no secret that my relationships have been severely impacted, despite being with my partner and father of two kids 16yrs and one or two close friends that is it. No-one can really get close to me. My therapist has seen various sides to me and my deep vulnerabilities. I find it incredibly difficult to be loved and cared for without feeling immense shame and sadness. My first port to call is anger, or disbelief. It can't all be me, is what comes to mind. My therapist says all the time the issue isn't what is happening around you or with others it is you, aka me. I feel so ashamed and alienated when she says things like that to me. I struggle to hear what she says without feeling defensive either consciously or unconsciously. I feel stuck in this relational pattern and I can't bring myself to the reality of what she is saying. I am deeply concerned I won't be able to handle it. OR what even lies within. It has to be bad in that any time someone gets close to it there is a reaction. I am so confused and terribly frustrated. Can anyone relate? How do you know you are healing relational trauma? How did you override the defense mechanisms. And are you able to connect with others on a deeper level without feeling shamed or profound sadness?