Other Relationship trauma

[Theasylumsystem]

All this f*cking shit going on has stirred up so many feelings and memories and I can't f*cking breathe. I hate how much she was in my life I hate that I still have to use the shit she gave me I hate that I remember her at all. I hate that she could control me so easily. i hate that i can't go through a whole month or f*cking week without thinking about her and all the f*cked up shit she did. She keeps f*cking retraumatizing me and shes not even f*cking here. I feel like I'm just cursed to go back through all the f*cking shit she put me through over and over and overagina because I'm like f*cking programmed there's so much f*cking trauma I've gone through that i cant even f*cking begin to think about healing and I'm just gonna be like this for f*cking ever and i hate it so f*ck much.

she f*cking raped me for months. She beat me up. She f*cked with my head. She triggered me on purpose for fun. I hate her. I hate her and how much f*cking damage she put me through. I hate that i will always be f*cking scarred because of her. I hate that I will never ever f*cking trust anyone ever again. I hate this. I don't want to be me anymore. I don;t want these memories or these problems or any of it. I just want to crawl out of my skin. or just live in this tiny dark apartment forever. Only going out at night so i never have to interact with anyone ever again. f*ck everyone. f*ck me. f*ck my brain and the breath that comes out of my lungs.