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Relearning to trust

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7lonewolf7

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I'm at a weird stage of my recovery where I want to try dating again but everytime I think about it I start getting chest pains and hyperventilating. I pretty much have a mini panic attack when I picture myself with someone

My ex raped me so I'm petrified of intimacy and opening up to someone, especially about my ptsd. So I wanted to know if anyone here is struggling/has struggled with relearning how to trust people on an intimate level and how they coped with it
 
Pretty much everyone who's been sexually abused has struggled with trust issues. You're not alone.

Can I suggest ... If you're hyperventilating and experiencing chest pains when you think about dating? That may be your body's way of telling you you're not ready yet. It's okay to not do everything all at once. Everything is on its own timetable with PTSD.
 
Pretty much everyone who's been sexually abused has struggled with trust issues. You're not alone.

Can I suggest ... If you're hyperventilating and experiencing chest pains when you think about dating? That may be your body's way of telling you you're not ready yet. It's okay to not do everything all at once. Everything is on its own timetable with PTSD.

I think you're right, I gotta wait. It just sucks so much not knowing when or if I'll ever be ok and having to worry about people asking questions. But thank you for the advice!
 
I have this issue to but I feel as though I have to love myself all over again before any guy can get close to me I've had lots of abandoned issues too and bullying so my self esteem is all over the place I can't remember my abuse I guess trust is making your body feel safe and for me to feel accepted I hope you are ok x
 
I can totally relate to trust issues, but because of a different reason. It is awful. Completely awful. This PTSD thing is awful. My experience has completely changed my life. And my ex was good at throwing things back in my face. Really good at it. And it messed with me so much. I just pray that therapy actually helps me. I just feel like it is me against the world, and I never felt that way before. I too am working on self love.
 
Right now I have the exact same feelings I've given up on my recovery because I feel like the universe or whatever doesn't want me to recover I call it the horror syndrome not ptsd anymore because literally it is like I'm stuck with the horror forever I will never be the same person ever again
 
How I coped with starting engaging in sexual relationships after an abusive one was 1) letting at least half a year past. That I used to try and accept what has happened and accepting myself. In general I think it's a good thing to do things you are a little scared of to overcome the fear. So I started to date. When it came to getting undress I felt it could be that I will not be able to go through it, so I tried to be as open s I could without being to personal, just telling him my needs. So 2) Telling your needs. To take it slow. And then if I felt that the fear was bigger than just a little I let him know 3) Tell that you have some issues with intimacy that you are working with.

It helped me a lot to practice to stay in my body and try feeling all sensations and work them through when a similar situation shows up. And to really listen and a have a conversation with your body. Reassuring this is a safe place, and knowing that you will heal by creating new, loving experiences. That means saying no and backing off when your body needs you to. This has helped me.

Asking and questioning your body, for example:
1) How are you feeling
-scared
2) Why are you feeling scared
-because I'm naked and laying next to a man, not knowing if he will hurt me
3) Do I need to feel this right now
-ehm, maybe not (here I try to breath in and check with the body one extra time, to see if I can sooth it)

All the best of luck to you!
 
I'm at a weird stage of my recovery where I want to try dating again but everytime I think about it I start getting chest pains and hyperventilating. I pretty much have a mini panic attack when I picture myself with someone

My ex raped me so I'm petrified of intimacy and opening up to someone, especially about my ptsd. So I wanted to know if anyone here is struggling/has struggled with relearning how to trust people on an intimate level and how they coped with it

It's hard to trust for many reasons.
 
What kind of questions are you worried about?
Like why I'm a like this? What happened to me? Why/how I have ptsd? These kinds of questions is what I'm afraid to talk about. I feel like they'd abandon me out of frustration and lack of patience due to my ptsd. I think I might also have abandonment issues that link with the rape so I'm also scared to give another person a chance
 
I feel like they'd abandon me out of frustration and lack of patience due to my ptsd.

I’ll be honest.

If they do this, it’s actually a good thing because that means they aren’t cut out to support people like us who are recovering from trauma.

The truth is that is by faaaar better to be alone than to be with people who don’t “meet us where we are”. What I mean by this is that whomever we have in our lives, it’s important that they accept us as we are, where we are, in our healing.

If someone is impatient or frustrated with you? It’s better to say goodbye because they won’t be able to meet your needs.

The good news? There are indeed people out there who have the patience and understanding of a saint! These are the kinds of people to hold on to with all you’ve got.
 
How I coped with starting engaging in sexual relationships after an abusive one was 1) letting at least half a year past. That I used to try and accept what has happened and accepting myself. In general I think it's a good thing to do things you are a little scared of to overcome the fear. So I started to date. When it came to getting undress I felt it could be that I will not be able to go through it, so I tried to be as open s I could without being to personal, just telling him my needs. So 2) Telling your needs. To take it slow. And then if I felt that the fear was bigger than just a little I let him know 3) Tell that you have some issues with intimacy that you are working with.

It helped me a lot to practice to stay in my body and try feeling all sensations and work them through when a similar situation shows up. And to really listen and a have a conversation with your body. Reassuring this is a safe place, and knowing that you will heal by creating new, loving experiences. That means saying no and backing off when your body needs you to. This has helped me.

Asking and questioning your body, for example:
1) How are you feeling
-scared
2) Why are you feeling scared
-because I'm naked and laying next to a man, not knowing if he will hurt me
3) Do I need to feel this right now
-ehm, maybe not (here I try to breath in and check with the body one extra time, to see if I can sooth it)

All the best of luck to you!

Thank you so much for the tips and advice!!
I don't think I'm even there yet, where I can feel comfortable being in the same bed with another guy with full on clothes. I'm just frustrated with how far behind I feel I am. I'm fine with a quick hug but anything more freaks me out and I can feel myself panicking. I was seeing a psychologist but she's a family therapist so I stopped seeing her and never told her about being sexually assaulted repeatedly due to conflict of interest. So I feel like my recovery process is at a standstill. I use the cognitive processesing therapy tips that I got from her on a daily basis but there's only so much I can do on my own. And currently, with my schedule, finding and going to the right therapist right now proves difficult. So I just gotta wait. And hope.
 
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