Remission & done with this or just longer than usual period of quiet?

kkd

New Here
First post. Diagnosed but feel weird about it and have not been involved with services in years. I don't think I would meet criteria anymore most of the time.

That's the root of my question: How can you tell if it is really gone or if it is just that things are more under control but could get stirred up if not careful? The anticipation that something is going to throw me off now that my spouse, work, etc. are all very used to me being calm and clear headed is stressing me out.

Am down from pretty much daily reminders and over reactions to reminders once a month or two that no longer tend to cause a day-or-more-long tailspin. For like 3 years now most memories that do pop up do so in this weirdly objective "yeah, that sucked" kind of way. Some calm stretches are long enough I start thinking my T must've had it all wrong or that I must have overstated things a ton.

Not looking for validation. I know what happened & I can't deny the effects it has had. Plus I find my T from back then credible. She was not gullible or dramatic.

Holiday season & other socially expected family focused times or spending time around my or my spouse's nuclear family often used to make me weird and reclusive for days after. For the longest time I didn't even realize that was happening.

Glad it happens so much less but the unpredictability just really sucks. When it was like clockwork at least if I avoided things all was geneerally good, & I knew to plan on a bad night and a shitty nonproductive day if unable to avoid. Complaining that full on episodes happen less sounds really stupid and bratty as I write this.

Last time I had a bad reaction it had been so long since the prior one that my spouse had sort of forgotten how it goes. Spouse also is used to the "better" me enough that Spouse forgets how it used to be & how constant. Spouse was generally great and helped a LOT with this progress, but in a way it's like spouse doesn't even know. It sucks to have to reexplain WTF is happening & that yeah, it really is about that same stupid BS from so long ago that I hadn't even thought of in ages. I hate hearing myself explain so usually I just get frustrated, then shut up and withdraw until I'm able to be normal & then we just pretend like nothing happened.

Work has no idea and I don't want them to. The topic that caused mine doesn't come up much at my current job. I have no idea if my episodes are as obvious to others as they feel to me but at work I would be at risk of getting into an argument & saying something that would get me fired, or making an expensive or legally risky mistake due to not really being "there".

Sorry for the length and also if this is a repeat question. I searched on "remission" and it was mostly remission from physical stuff, and I tend to stick more to the progress-oriented posts nowadays but did not see this among them.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Sadly, there is no way to really know if it’s “done” or in remission. I think the best way to look at it is in remission, because if you think it’s all done, a relapse will hit you so much harder and you’ll likely beat yourself up even more.
 

kkd

New Here
Thank you. Even without the norma holiday season disruptions and stress, it's been a pileup of uncontrollable smaller issues resulting in a really tense few weeks. I think being stressed and not acknowledging it at all was getting to me.

Honestly, recognizing that I'm getting anxious I might start stupid arguments or fall down a stupid obsessive memory hole is a "sign" is its own kind of progress I guess.

Thanks again for the perspective.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
No cure for what ails us here. Damnit! BUT your self-awareness is awesome! Use this time to fine-tune your coping skills and management skills.

The holidays were hard for everyone. I didn't realize how tense I was until Dec 26!! And I don't even celebrate the holidays!!


Your self-awareness will make this journey a lot less complicated. And reaching out is always the best thing to do when we get confused. Getting validation we are doing great is always good to hear!! You are doing great!
 

kkd

New Here
So, no, not done. I didn't want to start a whole new thread because I am pretty sure I just didn't use the right search terms.

The simmering "something's about to happen" feeling has been developing for about a week now. But I am not snapping at people or having nightmares at this point so I guess it's better than it could be. But I can physically feel it, which is not great.
Some of this is seasonal, some due to the restrictions, and a lot due to stuff I can't control and to my current job hunt.

And while things are going pretty damn well for me and mine personally, that seems to just magnify the weird negative anticipations.

Also not helping: Have also been having to be very direct about some stuff to work higherups in the "here's how jacked up it's been for months. You literally asked for details." way. I guess I will find out soon if I really have backing and can trust the Powers That Be or not (huge red button? pushed.)

Plus, a truly great younger friend recently told me recently, in disbelief, that her T had declared she/the friend was dealing with trauma. Seeing and hearing her disbelief and mental gymnastics because "it's just how it is/was" was surreal. She was even a little bit offended by the idea.
I remember that. (I still waffle back and forth.) And I did recommend she at least think about taking them up on the trauma T referral but I could not quite bring myself to say to be sure to have some kind of resource in place when she moves out. I would not have believed LEAVING a constant-stressor environment & attempting to just do life would be a common swerving point to WTF City.

I think I got the thought across that I had received a similar revelation and why I think it's worth at least trying the referral, but I always go super vague when trying to utter the thoughts and "stuff in the past" and "family BS" is probably not clear enough to show why I have any credibility on the Talk to Someone front. (Then there's the fact that my old T has retired and I literally cannot imagine bringing myself to start with a new one. This is probably as good as it gets for me, and it's often pretty great, but she's young and could kick so much ass with hauling baggage she doesn't need.)

How screwed is it that positive changes and human niceness can also mash some big red buttons?
 

woodsy1

Confident
First post. Diagnosed but feel weird about it and have not been involved with services in years. I don't think I would meet criteria anymore most of the time.

That's the root of my question: How can you tell if it is really gone or if it is just that things are more under control but could get stirred up if not careful? The anticipation that something is going to throw me off now that my spouse, work, etc. are all very used to me being calm and clear headed is stressing me out.

Am down from pretty much daily reminders and over reactions to reminders once a month or two that no longer tend to cause a day-or-more-long tailspin. For like 3 years now most memories that do pop up do so in this weirdly objective "yeah, that sucked" kind of way. Some calm stretches are long enough I start thinking my T must've had it all wrong or that I must have overstated things a ton.

Not looking for validation. I know what happened & I can't deny the effects it has had. Plus I find my T from back then credible. She was not gullible or dramatic.

Holiday season & other socially expected family focused times or spending time around my or my spouse's nuclear family often used to make me weird and reclusive for days after. For the longest time I didn't even realize that was happening.

Glad it happens so much less but the unpredictability just really sucks. When it was like clockwork at least if I avoided things all was geneerally good, & I knew to plan on a bad night and a shitty nonproductive day if unable to avoid. Complaining that full on episodes happen less sounds really stupid and bratty as I write this.

Last time I had a bad reaction it had been so long since the prior one that my spouse had sort of forgotten how it goes. Spouse also is used to the "better" me enough that Spouse forgets how it used to be & how constant. Spouse was generally great and helped a LOT with this progress, but in a way it's like spouse doesn't even know. It sucks to have to reexplain WTF is happening & that yeah, it really is about that same stupid BS from so long ago that I hadn't even thought of in ages. I hate hearing myself explain so usually I just get frustrated, then shut up and withdraw until I'm able to be normal & then we just pretend like nothing happened.

Work has no idea and I don't want them to. The topic that caused mine doesn't come up much at my current job. I have no idea if my episodes are as obvious to others as they feel to me but at work I would be at risk of getting into an argument & saying something that would get me fired, or making an expensive or legally risky mistake due to not really being "there".

Sorry for the length and also if this is a repeat question. I searched on "remission" and it was mostly remission from physical stuff, and I tend to stick more to the progress-oriented posts nowadays but did not see this among them.
The unknown is the hardest part to deal with, isn't it? I struggle with this a lot.

I'm just barely coming out of 6 years of being completely debilitated by PTSD on 100% VA Disability and self isolated in my home for way too long. Of course, I would love to be as advanced in my recovery as you are. But I don't think it's bratty at all to want some certainty.

Every day I wonder if i will continue having a "good" day or not f it will fall apart. I can certainly relate to wanting a little bit of certainty!

Each stage of healing has its own unique set of challenges.

You have come a long way and made a lot of progress. You've got the tools and skills and much experience under your belt. If you have a temporary setback I bet you will handle it well.

Keep on taking life one day at a time. You've got this!
 
Top