Feel like (I imagne) tripping to be. I'm out in the world and everyone is surreal. My vision has improved since I've found this site. At, the time being, feel like I belong to the human race again. Have hope that people are not horrible, ready to attack. At times, more aware of my triggers & gen. anxieties, therefore have more control/chooses. More connected w/ my emot. self and spirit. Not shut down rejecting distressful feelings that I fear may provoke PTSD symptoms. Sat w/ and beside women today. Very unusual as women are trauma related in my story. Felt love, some joy, some peace. Amazing! Didn't have to pretend, as an actress might. Far less hyper vigilant today of others every motion, expression, action. Less concerned about how I present myself. Communicating with others. People are approaching me that otherwise would stay far, far away. At times today did feel like I would suddenly fall to pieces, ie. (hyperventilate, body numbness, uncontr. jerking of arms, paralyzing rage mixed w/ (emo. & phys.) pain) that explodes like I'm presently being beaten and attacked by a mob. None of this today. I'm renewed with hope and presently able and willing to see, expose, perhaps accept my trauma(s). I recognize this spirit, it's mine. Rejected by me and buried alive for sometime, in terror and hopelessness. While tormented by fears that if ever exposed I'd end up (phys., ment., emot., spirit.) alone, for the rest of my life, in fetal position, begging to leave this world. "Things, will get worse before they get better." It's O.K. Here's an opportunity to share any and all hope if only for the moment, day, wk, mo, ect. Looking forward to reading and sharing. My best to all.