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Renewing Spirit - Dissociation

Discussion in 'Dissociation, Depersonalization & Derealization' started by goingonhope, Oct 7, 2006.

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  1. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Feel like (I imagne) tripping to be. I'm out in the world and everyone is surreal. My vision has improved since I've found this site. At, the time being, feel like I belong to the human race again. Have hope that people are not horrible, ready to attack. At times, more aware of my triggers & gen. anxieties, therefore have more control/chooses. More connected w/ my emot. self and spirit. Not shut down rejecting distressful feelings that I fear may provoke PTSD symptoms. Sat w/ and beside women today. Very unusual as women are trauma related in my story. Felt love, some joy, some peace. Amazing! Didn't have to pretend, as an actress might. Far less hyper vigilant today of others every motion, expression, action. Less concerned about how I present myself. Communicating with others. People are approaching me that otherwise would stay far, far away. At times today did feel like I would suddenly fall to pieces, ie. (hyperventilate, body numbness, uncontr. jerking of arms, paralyzing rage mixed w/ (emo. & phys.) pain) that explodes like I'm presently being beaten and attacked by a mob. None of this today. I'm renewed with hope and presently able and willing to see, expose, perhaps accept my trauma(s). I recognize this spirit, it's mine. Rejected by me and buried alive for sometime, in terror and hopelessness. While tormented by fears that if ever exposed I'd end up (phys., ment., emot., spirit.) alone, for the rest of my life, in fetal position, begging to leave this world. "Things, will get worse before they get better." It's O.K. Here's an opportunity to share any and all hope if only for the moment, day, wk, mo, ect. Looking forward to reading and sharing. My best to all.
    fin likes this.
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  3. scarlette_crimson

    scarlette_crimson Active Member

    Hey goingonhope

    Your doing it your advancing....the less you fight the better it gets.That sounds really great that you arw finally figuring every thingout:hello:
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned


    That is wonderful! I have good days like that too and they will become more often. Great going and great to hear!

    I have had days where I can smell rain in the air, see the wonderful morning glories bloom with the sunrise, the little critters starting their day, watching my turkeys, today the figured out how to get on the roof of the garage peeking in the kids windows! Yesterday the soft blankets and breeze. All nice and relaxing and feeling whole. I love those days!
  5. fin

    fin I'm a VIP

    I want to say I have witnessed courage tonight, real strength and true courage. I am so very proud to know the person I am talking about and I don't know if I should embarress them by saying, but they know who they are, and I want to say how proud I am of him. I know how hard this has been for him to do something, but tonight he began -I feel and perhaps proper also.

    I know what it has taken for this person to write like they have and I am floored again by the courage, strength and determination of people here that I am so awed to stand with.

    I have had a remarkable day this day, but nothing of my day has prepared me for what I have seen tonight. I am soo very proud and so very glad to be alive and here right now. This is the good days, this is everything we know and hope for, this is work and change for us all ~ all of us. This does work and it can improve what we have known, I really do believe that. And we are not alone here -nor do we have to be in how we learn to manage. Thankyou forum for helping me today and for so many possibilities now and for the word tomorrow. awed and wow!!
  6. Junebug

    Junebug I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    Dear Hope,

    After all the lousy stuff, no one could deserve or deserve to enjoy the benefits of healing, and managing ptsd, than you.

    So wonderful! What a beautiful, joyful, peaceful "surprise", it feels like, I bet!

    Meg :clap: :Hug_emoticon:
  7. cragger65

    cragger65 I'm a VIP

    Right on Hope, glad to hear things are feeling better, that's awsome.
  8. TLight

    TLight I'm a VIP

    Funny, I was right there with you today..........feeling some moments of peace and wholeness and not struggling so much.

    Such a wonderful thing you have shared..........Thank you.
  9. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

    I'm glad to read this hope. I believe your words will encourage others to continue on this journey into healing.

    Love and blessings
  10. Jestadud

    Jestadud Well-Known Member Premium Member

    Hey people look at the date!

    While I wish this were all true for Goingonhope I fear it's not how she's feeling at the moment.
  11. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

    LOL, I didn't even notice the date this post was started. Good call!

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