Justmehere
Sponsor
When I was scared and upset after being traumatized as a kid, I would cry and repeat things. Like if I tried to say, “where is the (teddy) bear?” And what I said was, “where is where is where is the bear? the bear?”
It wasn’t quite perseverating, because I’d change subjects easily. But it was confusing for my parents who were already struggling to parent. It would lead them to screaming I was crazy and broken and they’d rage and etc. (Which of course didn’t help things.)
In therapy yesterday, we stirred up childhood trauma and loss and I started doing the same thing. My therapist mildly reassured me I’m “not crazy like crazy-crazy.” (Huh?) Therpay isn’t quite making sense to me these days but I’m trying to trust and not resist and walk the process through.
I left the session shaken and a mess. Got home. Woke up screaming and in a panic. I’m still in that place, that same head space, in a panic and shaking, and where if I was to talk, I’d be repeating things, or my head just fogs out dissoctively really badly.
None of this is normal for me. Not even a normal bad day. Even as a kid, this wasn’t common but just happened at a few of my very worst moments years apart.
I’m dressed and trying to get out the door and on the way to the train, my head fuzzed out and I started to shake and panic and someone asked if I was ok. I repeated myself as I reassured them.
I went back home and I’m just a mess. I’m not self injurious or suicidal and worst case senario, I can call in sick to everything today and stay home and ride this out... I have a lot to get done but whatever.
Thing is, I am not sure what’s going on with me though and I’m rather freaked out.
Everything I know to do to ground and cope isn’t working exactly. This is really different headspace for me.
Any thoughts as to what is going on? Is this a situation in which to reach out to my therapist? She’s only said I could always ask for a call between sessions and she’ll let me know yes or no, depending on her work schedule. What can she really even do or say to help? There is no safety crisis so seems like I should just find a way to handle this myself.
It wasn’t quite perseverating, because I’d change subjects easily. But it was confusing for my parents who were already struggling to parent. It would lead them to screaming I was crazy and broken and they’d rage and etc. (Which of course didn’t help things.)
In therapy yesterday, we stirred up childhood trauma and loss and I started doing the same thing. My therapist mildly reassured me I’m “not crazy like crazy-crazy.” (Huh?) Therpay isn’t quite making sense to me these days but I’m trying to trust and not resist and walk the process through.
I left the session shaken and a mess. Got home. Woke up screaming and in a panic. I’m still in that place, that same head space, in a panic and shaking, and where if I was to talk, I’d be repeating things, or my head just fogs out dissoctively really badly.
None of this is normal for me. Not even a normal bad day. Even as a kid, this wasn’t common but just happened at a few of my very worst moments years apart.
I’m dressed and trying to get out the door and on the way to the train, my head fuzzed out and I started to shake and panic and someone asked if I was ok. I repeated myself as I reassured them.
I went back home and I’m just a mess. I’m not self injurious or suicidal and worst case senario, I can call in sick to everything today and stay home and ride this out... I have a lot to get done but whatever.
Thing is, I am not sure what’s going on with me though and I’m rather freaked out.
Everything I know to do to ground and cope isn’t working exactly. This is really different headspace for me.
Any thoughts as to what is going on? Is this a situation in which to reach out to my therapist? She’s only said I could always ask for a call between sessions and she’ll let me know yes or no, depending on her work schedule. What can she really even do or say to help? There is no safety crisis so seems like I should just find a way to handle this myself.