Hi. I don’t usually post these days, but I’m so confused about this scapegoat role I keep falling into and would love to know if anyone else has this..
I was scapegoated in the family I grew up in. My mother had mental illness and my father took his frustrations with her out on me. He also blamed me for causing her mental illness.
As I was pretty young when that happened, 10, I absorbed it and believed it until I opened up to my mother when I was 26 and found out it had nothing to do with me. But for all those years, I believed I had caused that.
Many years on, I look back on my life and see that I have repeated and repeated that trauma - felt to blame for the sufferings of those around me, and often been manipulated into taking the blame even when I was 100% sure I wasn’t to blame.
That’s not to say I’m blameless of everything, but I do feel marked somehow, like I have Scapegoat written on my forehead.
I’ve had lots of therapy etc but I still feel like I am a kind of magnet for trauma, esp sexual and emotional abuse, and a magnet for someone looking for someone else to blame.
I can’t control this magnet!! It feels like some kind of energy thing.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about???
I have become very reclusive. It seems to go beyond logic and I’m so tired of these things happening.
I was scapegoated in the family I grew up in. My mother had mental illness and my father took his frustrations with her out on me. He also blamed me for causing her mental illness.
As I was pretty young when that happened, 10, I absorbed it and believed it until I opened up to my mother when I was 26 and found out it had nothing to do with me. But for all those years, I believed I had caused that.
Many years on, I look back on my life and see that I have repeated and repeated that trauma - felt to blame for the sufferings of those around me, and often been manipulated into taking the blame even when I was 100% sure I wasn’t to blame.
That’s not to say I’m blameless of everything, but I do feel marked somehow, like I have Scapegoat written on my forehead.
I’ve had lots of therapy etc but I still feel like I am a kind of magnet for trauma, esp sexual and emotional abuse, and a magnet for someone looking for someone else to blame.
I can’t control this magnet!! It feels like some kind of energy thing.
Does anyone know what I’m talking about???
I have become very reclusive. It seems to go beyond logic and I’m so tired of these things happening.