Repetition helps breakthrough.

koalaburger

Learning
I have been challenging my contemptible self loathing dialogue with repetition of reality checks. I have a sore jaw all the time because I absorbed my fathers screwed up face and screamed abuse. My therapist helped me learn that there is an adult in here as well as a broken child. Specifically what helped me was my punching bag. I am 187centimetres (6'2") and weigh 133 kilograms (over 12 stone.) With my gloves on I nearly knock the bag and the heavy metal frame through the wall. This has shocked me. I have always felt powerless and terrified. I have used the bag often and now believe I am a strong man. I am also intelligent and kind. Over time I have come to believe this. Now that I had the adult I started to say to myself "I am a strong kind man and you are safe now." to my inner child. I also said "I let go of the trauma and that idiotic, pathetic nonsense that my father said to me." I am finally getting some rest from the constant pain and depression. An interesting thing is I am describing my father truthfully. He was a violent, domestic violence criminal psychopath. I say other stuff too sparing nothing. My therapist said I would have felt love and a need to be loved by my father. I hated hearing it but it was true. I had a fondness for the sick mongrel. Repetition of a description of him, imagining his mates and other people seeing him commit his appalling crimes, has meant it is finally moving from my head to my gut. I am 65 soon and I am feeling like I might get a final decent 15 or 20 years. Dad died at 84 my mum at 81. Dads mother died at 92.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Very happy to hear the hard work of your beliefs going from your head to our gut has been such a wonder-filled pay off for you!!

Having a voice. Having your own truth. That is so powerful. Finally some peace of mind and a reality that makes sense.

Applauding and happy for you.
 
Top