Resentment

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I was journaling tonight and all of a sudden I became aware of resentment I have been carrying toward my husband. He is very regimented. I have lived with it for years but now his expectations are I become like him. We are retired. His motto has been work first play later. Our house is clean well organized etc. but he insists if I use a utensil I must get up clean it and put it away. It is always now. He is not social and I have friends. It goes on. He prefers,after his chores are done to watch golf or baseball or a war movie etc. all day. I do art so rather than be with him and the tv I create. I have many mediums I work in. He puts very little investment into our relationship. I have never thought of myself as resentful but I got so dysregulated tonight I was on the verge of a panic attack. I have a burning in my stomach with the amount of stress I am living under. Help. Is this a part of Cptsd? If I talk to him he will just shut down. He just lives life but doesn’t deal with it. He listened to me explain Cptsd and did not say a word. I would never leave him. How do I deal with resentment?
 
in my own psychocauldron, i call this, "the retired executive syndrome." i am watching two renditions of it play out in my life right now, one with my husband and one with my sister-in-law. both were work-a-holics whose "work first, play later" ethics paid off in high power corporate positions. the day after retirement, all that high power focus started channeling toward fixing what ain't broke on the home front. yo, spousey dearest, i didn't need fixing when you were busy being busy. that hasn't changed one iota.

in my own case, i saw it coming and pussy-whipped hubs into finding outside interests while his company was sending him to retirement planning seminars. he is still underfoot and controlling way more than i like, but we're adapting. the hobby which captivated him was beekeeping, so i can tell him to buzz off in good humor.

my husband's brother is still in shock and wishing he could send wifey back to work. . . she was easier to live with when she had her own corporate staff to boss around.

dunno if it applies to your case, or not, but i thought i'd throw it out there.

steadying support while you sort your own case.
 
@Maximus - is this a feeling you only experience towards your husband?
Yes. I have no other I am aware of other than why do I have this CPTSD through no fault of my own. I was a little girl ,defenseless and left to the mercy of an evil stepfather. I am clear on forgiveness of stepfather but resent having the consequences of his behavior. It was only emotional abuse thankful for that.

in my own psychocauldron, i call this, "the retired executive syndrome." i am watching two renditions of it play out in my life right now, one with my husband and one with my sister-in-law. both were work-a-holics whose "work first, play later" ethics paid off in high power corporate positions. the day after retirement, all that high power focus started channeling toward fixing what ain't broke on the home front. yo, spousey dearest, i didn't need fixing when you were busy being busy. that hasn't changed one iota.

in my own case, i saw it coming and pussy-whipped hubs into finding outside interests while his company was sending him to retirement planning seminars. he is still underfoot and controlling way more than i like, but we're adapting. the hobby which captivated him was beekeeping, so i can tell him to buzz off in good humor.

my husband's brother is still in shock and wishing he could send wifey back to work. . . she was easier to live with when she had her own corporate staff to boss around.

dunno if it applies to your case, or not, but i thought i'd throw it out there.

steadying support while you sort your own case.
Oh, it is familiar…thank you. I guess he needs control of something…in this case me! Thank you for that insight!
 
It sounds like: he is extremely controlling, unable to provide emotional support, and doesn't share common interests to you. Can you explain more about why you would never leave him?
 
Kind of agree with Weemie. He listened to you explain cptsd and didn't say anything.
Do you think he'll say something later (when he's digested it?). It's kind of important to be able to listen to each other. Specially if you were explaining about cptsd.

Resentment can have many roots, could be that you're holding your emotions back or not being straight with him.
Could be a mix of your own emotions and your emotions towards the relationship.

Maybe if he shuts you out, directly tell him that you don't appreciate it.
 
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