Sufferer Reset and Repeat


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Hi everyone. I’m feeling really hopeful today to have found this place. I have diagnoses of C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, OCD, general mood disorder, DD including depersonalization and derealization, and other miscellaneous traits like paranoia. I have gone through periods of minor psychosis.

I’ve experienced physical, sexual, mental/emotional abuse as a child and adult. I have come a long way and gotten myself to a good place in life. Sadly a good place doesn’t always mean you feel alive. That is my #1 goal.

As I suspect everyone here already knows full well, trauma has a way of finding you sometimes. I had sort of gotten to a mostly good place of growth a couple years ago, but a relationship and various life experiences have set me back a bit. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place again now “on paper”, yet I’m aware that my brain is using this time to do a lot of very old processing and trying to heal.

I almost feel like I’m constantly getting surprised by what upsets me, tears fall from my eyes on a regular basis without actually crying, I feel scared and can’t always figure out the cause. In general, I don’t really feel like “myself”, which made me laugh out loud a little because I’ve never really had much of a sense of identity as it was. I am an introvert. I’ve been told I am a good listener, wise, and empathetic. I tend to have a lot of one-sided friendships. I have no contact with my family and have been mostly alone all my life. Recently I now have a new partner in my life, and I also have children, and they keep me going. I’d also love it if I could want to keep going just for myself too. I don’t like how I get in my own way at times. I don’t want all my “stuff” to affect my healthy relationships.

So… I’m here basically because I’m trying to do better being kind to myself and taking care of myself. I’ve realized I can’t be an island anymore. I needed to fight the constant urge to isolate. I need community and understanding. I need to surround myself with as many tools and support as possible, because some days I don’t even recognize that I’m needing it.

Thanks for reading! It’s nice to meet y’all. 🙂
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Excellent reasons to be here, and fantastic goals for recovery. Welcome to the forum!
Thank you so much!

Welcome to the Forum😎 I am sorry that you have been through the traumatic experiences that have brought you here... it's a very good place...I'm happy you have a partner and children too!

(Without my kids, I would have been hopeless♥️♥️)

Giving our kids a healthy and happy parent is the gift of a lifetime... You're off to a great start🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s really nice to meet others who understand the struggles of healing while trying to raise happy healthy kids. I can’t begin to explain how much they have changed my life. I’ve found so much healing in being able to give them basic things I didn’t have. Sometimes I can be tough on myself feeling like I have to be perfect, but I’m trying to be more aware of that now. I hope you are well. ❤️

Welcome to the site 🙂
Thank you for reading and the warm welcome!