AMusingChickadee
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Hi everyone. I’m feeling really hopeful today to have found this place. I have diagnoses of C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, OCD, general mood disorder, DD including depersonalization and derealization, and other miscellaneous traits like paranoia. I have gone through periods of minor psychosis.
I’ve experienced physical, sexual, mental/emotional abuse as a child and adult. I have come a long way and gotten myself to a good place in life. Sadly a good place doesn’t always mean you feel alive. That is my #1 goal.
As I suspect everyone here already knows full well, trauma has a way of finding you sometimes. I had sort of gotten to a mostly good place of growth a couple years ago, but a relationship and various life experiences have set me back a bit. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place again now “on paper”, yet I’m aware that my brain is using this time to do a lot of very old processing and trying to heal.
I almost feel like I’m constantly getting surprised by what upsets me, tears fall from my eyes on a regular basis without actually crying, I feel scared and can’t always figure out the cause. In general, I don’t really feel like “myself”, which made me laugh out loud a little because I’ve never really had much of a sense of identity as it was. I am an introvert. I’ve been told I am a good listener, wise, and empathetic. I tend to have a lot of one-sided friendships. I have no contact with my family and have been mostly alone all my life. Recently I now have a new partner in my life, and I also have children, and they keep me going. I’d also love it if I could want to keep going just for myself too. I don’t like how I get in my own way at times. I don’t want all my “stuff” to affect my healthy relationships.
So… I’m here basically because I’m trying to do better being kind to myself and taking care of myself. I’ve realized I can’t be an island anymore. I needed to fight the constant urge to isolate. I need community and understanding. I need to surround myself with as many tools and support as possible, because some days I don’t even recognize that I’m needing it.
Thanks for reading! It’s nice to meet y’all.
I’ve experienced physical, sexual, mental/emotional abuse as a child and adult. I have come a long way and gotten myself to a good place in life. Sadly a good place doesn’t always mean you feel alive. That is my #1 goal.
As I suspect everyone here already knows full well, trauma has a way of finding you sometimes. I had sort of gotten to a mostly good place of growth a couple years ago, but a relationship and various life experiences have set me back a bit. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place again now “on paper”, yet I’m aware that my brain is using this time to do a lot of very old processing and trying to heal.
I almost feel like I’m constantly getting surprised by what upsets me, tears fall from my eyes on a regular basis without actually crying, I feel scared and can’t always figure out the cause. In general, I don’t really feel like “myself”, which made me laugh out loud a little because I’ve never really had much of a sense of identity as it was. I am an introvert. I’ve been told I am a good listener, wise, and empathetic. I tend to have a lot of one-sided friendships. I have no contact with my family and have been mostly alone all my life. Recently I now have a new partner in my life, and I also have children, and they keep me going. I’d also love it if I could want to keep going just for myself too. I don’t like how I get in my own way at times. I don’t want all my “stuff” to affect my healthy relationships.
So… I’m here basically because I’m trying to do better being kind to myself and taking care of myself. I’ve realized I can’t be an island anymore. I needed to fight the constant urge to isolate. I need community and understanding. I need to surround myself with as many tools and support as possible, because some days I don’t even recognize that I’m needing it.
Thanks for reading! It’s nice to meet y’all.
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