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Resources regarding genital mutilation and sexual torture

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by frogthroat, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. frogthroat

    frogthroat Well-Known Member

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    I was wondering if anyone knew of any books or websites that offer any kind of help for someone who has mutilated genitalia? I would like to begin dating but I fear a potential lover will be offput by my scars and such. The thought of someone leaving me because they find me disgusting or damaged is soul crushing. I want to empower myself so I can take potential rejection better as I have a tendency to let myself fall into deep depressions.
    Also, I wasn't part of a tribe or religion that practices genital mutilation. My experience was just systematic violence. I'm not a refugee or anything like that. I'm having a difficult time finding information for survivors of sadism.
     
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  3. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

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    You should still be able to get help through a refugee organization that deals with that sort of thing. I'm sure if you tell them your situation they can help. My daughter went to school with an African girl that had went through female circumsicion (sp?). Im sorry you went through that.
     
  4. frogthroat

    frogthroat Well-Known Member

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    I feel terribly guilty at the thought of going through a refugee organization. My home was falling down around us and it wasn't good but at least I had a home to come to after being attacked. I always had food, water, and a working bathroom. It was nothing like being in a refugee camp in another country after being a victim of war AND also having to deal with genital mutilation on top of it. Thank you for your reply.
     
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  5. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

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    Why? You need help and that's what they are there for. But if you don't want to do that then a trauma therapist can help you too. But somewhere where you can find women and girls that can relate to you might be helpful. Just an idea. Take it with a grain of salt
     
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  6. frogthroat

    frogthroat Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I'm scared of going to a therapist. It's something I need to get over and just do.
     
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  7. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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    @Zoogal Most of the torture resources aimed at refugees actually require refugee status. It’s an ongoing problem for aid workers, journalists, and K&R victims stateside. Come home, but as you’re a citizen, there’s no specialized care available. It’s a numbers problem, mostly. The organizations who hire therapists who specialize in this field are few and far between, and mostly focused on the biggest populations. That’s where they get their funding, and mandates. A few allow for other populations, but most are overstretched as it is. One of the live & learn things, if you’re taking out K&R insurance as an American? Make sure it includes psych services/aftercare in Europe. Homegrown torture survivors? Are going to have to really stretch to find any kind of specialized care.

    @frogthroat

    For worldwide torture resources
    International Rehabilitation Council for Torture victims
    http://www.irct.org
    & a list of their counseling programs & treatment facilities by region. Over 140 worldwide.
    http://www.irct.org/about-us/the-members/find-irct-members/all-members-by-region.aspx

    There are a whole helluva lot of groups offering plastic surgery for domestic violence survivors. That would probably be best done via google.
     
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  8. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

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    That's so. So. Sad.

    I'm sorry @frogthroat
     
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  9. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Try starting with a trauma therapist who works with sexual abuse survivors. You may be able to narrow it down and find someone who deals with those who have experienced sadistic abuse and mutilation, but this may be a bit more difficult, especially if you live in anything but an urban area. Hugs.
     
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  10. frogthroat

    frogthroat Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much. I will definitely look into those. I went to counseling before but after awhile my therapist at the time said he didn't know how to really help me and that he only heard about violence like this when he worked for the judicial system and it was always gang violence. So I feel utterly alone and my abuse was so extreme I always feel a therapist will treat me like I'm exaggerating or just plain lying. It's very had. I'm not complaining but the medical community isn't supportive and I've always been blown off or told to get over it. This has made me afraid to reach out.
     
  11. anonymous

    anonymous Forum Anonymity Premium Member

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    I’m messed up down in my lady bits because of my abuse. Not something I’ve mentioned much, because it’s cosmetic so, yeah, doesn’t feel the same as the tribal stuff that you tend to read about.

    Fwiw, and I know you probably won’t believe me - had quite a few sexual partners in my 20s. Was nauseatingly self-conscious about it. The couple of times I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and said something, feeling humiliated, in the moment? The only response I ever got was that there the issue was in my head, that every woman looks different down there, and one partner? Commented that my mutilated bits were beautiful. He seemed to genuinely enjoy being down there, so I can only assume he was being honest with me.
     
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  12. frogthroat

    frogthroat Well-Known Member

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    Anon, you don't know how badly I needed to read that. I appreciate it. I feel differently about it now. Who am I to assume what men will think of it? Everybody is different. I need to live my life and not worry so much about what I look like downstairs.
     
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  13. anonymous

    anonymous Forum Anonymity Premium Member

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    (Relief that it was helpful to say that!!)

    I started a savings account in my 20s to save up for labiaplasty surgery. I then had a pdoc that convinced me to abstain till I’d recovered a bit more.

    Maybe I’ll get the surgery one day, idk. But now, instead of it being something I would do to feel less ashamed with a sexual partner... I think I would have to be persuaded that getting it done would be empowering just for me personally. At the moment, it would still just be a shame reaction, and I don’t want to have surgery to cover up my shame. For me that’s important - changing my body just because I’m ashamed doesn’t seem right any more. Or necessary. But I think it’s one of those things that should be your own independent decision on what you really feel is best for your healing.

    Don’t, by any means, get it done just to make it look like ‘everyone elses’. I literally spent time on google looking at images, and they were right, yeah? Women do look pretty different down there.
     
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