Sufferer Restarting - Just Graduated From IOP

Johanna

New Here
Hello, I just graduated from an intensive outpatient partial hospitalization program last Friday. I feel like I'm no longer in severe distress but I am now struggling with depression.

On July 1,2022 will mark the 1 year anniversary of when my ex-fiancé was arrested and our home raided by the FBI due to my ex's possession of child pornography. We have 2 little ones. A girl 3 years old and a boy 1 year old. He has since been released from prison on March 1,2022 and that's when I lost my ability to regulate my emotions. We have no contact. I want him as far away as possible. He was masturbating to little girls age 2-14..

I have been pushing forward for my kids this past year. However, upon his release it's been a struggle to keep my head above water. I started having nightmares, hyper vigilance, difficulty sleeping and eating, mood swings.. all too familiar to myself. I'm a survivor and this is not my first rodeo with PTSD. From 8years old-12 years old my cousin would molest me. I worked on that trauma only in adulthood but survived and thrived. This time around, there's more fear, guilt, shame, anger, and anguish.

I have 2 people in my support system that I feel like I can confide in. I would like to find more people who is in a healing journey as well.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello johanna. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

on my own recovery road, peer support gets my vote as the single most important tool in my psychotherapy toolbox. pro support has been valuable, but only runs as deep as the paycheck. peer support runs from the heart and beyond with people who actually share my healing needs.

here's to hoping that opening yourself to peer support can help put the valuable things you learned in IOP to work for you. those tools work if you work them and adding peer support to your venue might help you fine tune the things you learned in IOP to work in your strictly personal life.

welcome aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
 

Johanna

New Here
Hi @Johanna welcome to the site ☺
Hello, thank you for the warm welcome ☺️

hello johanna. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

on my own recovery road, peer support gets my vote as the single most important tool in my psychotherapy toolbox. pro support has been valuable, but only runs as deep as the paycheck. peer support runs from the heart and beyond with people who actually share my healing needs.

here's to hoping that opening yourself to peer support can help put the valuable things you learned in IOP to work for you. those tools work if you work them and adding peer support to your venue might help you fine tune the things you learned in IOP to work in your strictly personal life.

welcome aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
Hello, thank you for the thoughtful reply and welcome. I am devoting time and energy for healing and from my IOP program what i found very valuable was the comradely and all of our desire to heal and understand our hurts, experiences and behaviors.

I can no longer go back to who I was, I feel like I am in the middle phase now and its the most uncomfortable but i want to lean in this time.
 

Friday

Moderator
I worked on that trauma only in adulthood but survived and thrived. This time around, there's more fear, guilt, shame, anger, and anguish.
The major difference, between my 1st & 2nd goes of getting spiking PTSD symptoms under control, was that the 2nd time? I had kids. It really changes things one whole helluva lot.

Welcome to the community. 😁
 

Defaultxlove

MyPTSD Pro
Hi Johanna, welcome. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. ☹️ I can imagine the level of gross you feel about it. I'm glad you are away from him and your children are with you. I understand the fear/anxiety of him. Hope you find this place comfortable as I have.
 
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