Retrauma and bad experiences help

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Rudolf , I'm very sorry for the reasons you are here. But glad you found us.

If in certain cases I think it's good going against our avoidance through exposure but in your case it doesn't look like it has worked out at all, so trying another form of exposure therapy without any frame, pharmaceutical or anything, to sustain it it just seems ineffective at best, dangerous at worst.

For what I've read here it's quite classical to get worse before you get better, but in your case you aren't getting better.

Did they suggest you behavioural therapies? Cognitive behavioural or dialectical behavioural? Or to work on your traumas in a secure place (as grief said, a hospital)?

I just don't see why rushing through everything like this, it seems very brutal to me and the brain has actually very good reasons to have psychogenic amnesia. When it's psychogenic. Did they check if you could have reasons to have amnesia that isn't explained by other causes?

To be entirely fair I find it quite a bad sign you are in a much worse place now than before since you did so much therapy. Something must be wrong in this approach :-/
 

Rudolf

New Here
Hi @ruborcoraxxx
many therapists now don't understand why my therapist did this either, it's been 1.5 years since my last attempt at trauma work, but alas, neither dissociation has decreased, nor tastes have returned, nor smells, movies and music are the same. But I am wondering if I can go back somehow, or if this is for good. I would so like to rewind time and leave it the way it was. And now being almost dying, and almost disabled, it's hard to know how to fix it. But going to EMDR now I think it would just make me psychotic and suicidal. I've heard of cases like mine where people went from normal, to vegetables, with intense trauma work, with dissociation. My doctor did this because we hadn't progressed all 5 years, there was constant suspension on my part, and he found this radical method of 2-3 traumas in 1 session, over 20 sessions in a row. But alas, I almost died, and I didn't even know how to use the phone, and many other things. I read that it was supposedly the amygdaloid body that crushed the prefrontal cortex. Now I'm looking for a way out, trying to make it work. So I posted on this forum in the hope that maybe I'll find out what will help me. I'm thinking about going back on medication, but it's changing my reality and range of emotions so much that I don't look like myself. And now while I'm looking for a new regular therapist, everyone suggests I go to trauma, but I think it's doom, I think I need to grow myself cognitively somehow.
 

Rudolf

New Here
@ Survivor3

It's great that you were able to progress. Maybe you found your therapist and the methods that helped you.
Unfortunately, I can't go back to sports, my condition is completely different, but I sometimes try to do at least some exercises at home.
 

Rudolf

New Here
I've heard someone say that when there are a lot of injuries, it's better not to touch them at all. Could this be the case in my case? I shouldn't have even touched it. My mother told me that I had something mental happen in my early childhood that my legs stopped working abruptly and I stopped walking for days, at age 2, maybe it was something so strong that it scared me, traumatized me, that it was impossible to treat at all.
I spent my entire childhood peeing, screaming at night, kicking myself every night, stuttering. It seems I was traumatized very early, and didn't even have time to form. There's a lot of mystique in my childhood.
 

Rudolf

New Here
About the medication, Propranololol takes away my dissociation, smells, feelings, and liveliness appear. And also 0.5 of phenazepam also makes me more alive.
 
1

1is1

Hi all, can you please help me with some advice, I am 29 years old, I have been treated for CPTSD for over 5 years, at first I was treated for avoidant and dependent personality disorder, but then the doctor said I have a lot of developmental trauma, and I have a complex trauma. I have been treated with a schema therapist and my traumas have not been treated at all because I can talk about them and feel nothing, like I am detached from them. The doctor tried a lot, hundreds of times, over the course of 5 years, we tried to work on the injuries, but all to nothing, I only got worse and my defenses didn't loosen up. And the doctor decided to consult with the schema therapy institute, and they recommended a fast-track protocol, 20 sessions in a row, 2-3 traumas each session, and they said it would overcome the dissociation. But after that I stopped eating, shaving, washing, lost my cognitive skills, and I haven't been back for 1.5 years. It felt like I went crazy after that. I lost my smells, my tastes, and never came back. I can hardly even use my phone anymore. I have heard of such cases, but what do I do now? I have amnesia now, too. Now I am looking for a new therapist, and I found one, EMDR, and he suggests going into trauma, after the 2nd session, I am afraid I will just lose my mind or kill myself. What do you do in these situations?
Try Self Regulation Training. Or Somatic Experiencing. It's so much safer and gentler.
 

wildbillp

New Here
Hi Rudolf: I am a retired psychologist and trauma therapist and before my retirement had worked with a number of CPTSD individuals and also Dissociative D.Os including DID. It sounds as though you have had a lot of early childhood trauma and this typically comes with a lot of defenses, often including freezing. If a child is in a vulnerable situation and those who should be protecting him/her are not only not protecting the child but hurting the child freezing and checking out is often the only defense available, the child can't run, can't fight back, what else is there? So the mind dissociates as a defense, a way of splitting off aspects of the trauma that are too hard to deal with. Over time with stress this becomes a default pattern for dealing with life stressors.

The key point here is that a therapist cannot, should not attempt to go right at the trauma directly with a trauma processing therapy, like EMDR, or hypnosis, or cognitive trauma processing, etc. What happens is that the individual's defensive parts will block these attempts one way or the other, or the trauma work can become over whelming. If the client(now an adult) can even access the memories the freeze response will often come up, or hyperarousal will make the experience
too much. A good rule is that the individual needs to be able to hold the traumatic memory in mind and stay within the "window of tolerance" (research this phrase
online to see what I mean). This is even if the person can get to memories at all, which they often cannot do, because of the overwhelming nature of it, and the defensive parts blocking.

What I would strongly suggest is that you find a therapist well practiced in an ego state therapy like IFS (Internal Family Systems) which is what I eventually came to
and has proven to be immensely helpful to complex trauma individuals( by their say so, not mine). It takes the person right where he is at starting with whatever
part is coming up, typically a defensive part that is trying to protect more vulnerable parts of the person. If you do not deal with these protective parts in a cooperative way (they are after all trying to help by protecting) they will block any attempt to process trauma. I would encourage you to look into IFS as it is such
a strength based way of working which is an awesome way to work . All the best to you as you journey.
 

internal

Sponsor
Hi Rudolf: I am a retired psychologist and trauma therapist
any time someone comes here claiming to be a current or former therepist-please take this dude with a grain of salt. ifs is not foolproof and has a whole host of detractors. it works for some people but a lot of it is nonsense, too.

as for you, do you have ptsd? or are you just here to give unsolicited medical advise?
 
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