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Returning To Work

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Irton Pike

MyPTSD Pro
I have just started back on a phased reurn to work. I have been on sick leave, officially with "reactive stress" since decemeber, when i had a major argument with my former boss. what sparked that was I asked for a reference and he said he would only give me one if he could include his opinion of my medical history. Jeez! I went pretty ballistic. I was in a real mess at the time and didn't take much poking!

Anyway, I went off sick and had a very supportive GP who put me in touch with the local psychiatric services. I was assessed and referred to the psychologist for CBT but turned down on the grounds that I am still in the same place of work where i was systematically bullied and assaulted and I am still fightiung the same nutter to get my work published. As such i was considered too much of a risk of failure. Bummer. The good news is, that if i can get a different job they will accept me. hmmmmmm!


Anyway, I had time on my hands and access to a councelling service through work that i have been using so I spent 3 months doing CBT with a self help book and my councellor. I ahve been working really hard at it and i have managed to get most of my symptoms in check. Most of the time. I am a lot better than i was. The hyperviggilance and the exagerated startle have gone way down and thank god for that cos i am sick of them!

Coming back to work is very hard. Wow! I am amazed at how difficult it is to keep my mood up. Things had been going so well at home. I even had the kids with me over half term and we all had loads of fun.

I find my reasons for working shaken. I work in a university and for me it used to be about putting something back. But the treatment i got from a serial bully has left that in tatters.

Why do you work?

What is the drive?
 
Congrats Irton Pike, It's a huge thing going back to work, you've obviously worked hard with the CBT stuff to get were you are, good on you. I'm nowhere near the stage where I could go back to work, but one day who knows.
 
I"m on disability right now, and I must say, for years work has been extremely difficult for me. I'm triggered by male authority figures and by men hitting on me, and work has been full of this...........bullying sends me to the hospital, and the workplace was the scene of my nervous breakdown and I've struggled ever since.

I'm freelance writing right now and I just finished a project with a small software firm. Three people in the office, but the 'boss man' was male and I had to go into the conference room with him to receive my lectures. This was about a week of venturing back into a work 'situation'.........I had a couple of rough spots when he wasn't respectful of my time and he had me come into the office and then he didn't show up. Of course, I charged him for it, then said on a phone message the next day that I'd be there at a certain time and if this didn't work for him, to please call me. That fixed the 'disrespecting of my time.'

All in all, he was 'snotty' with me once, and I defended myself OK without going ballistic. I considered it good exposure therapy. I ended the project feeling good.........but I thought a lot about adding in a commute and a real 9-5 and I knew I'd quickly deteriorate if I even attempted this..........then throw in a bad boss and I could go down the tubes so fast, I could actually die this time.

I have decided for myself that if I ever return to a real job, it will have to be something as low stress as I can possibly find. Tough, I know.........but I'm willing to be paid way less to have the peace I've experienced while not working.
I know its hard, I'm an academic also.........it's all I've ever done. But I look forward to just cleaning houses or driving a candy route and keeping my sanity.........possibly even my life.

For us, I think quality of life is so important..........please consider this Irton.........work is such a hostile place anyway............I just can't do that to myself anymore.
 
Why do I work? The only reason I ever worked was to get a living. I have never in 40 years had a job I liked. I am almost impossible to supervise, so much of the work I did was as an independent contractor.

I'm not working at the moment. I'm living on some savings I managed to put together, but before too much longer I will have to find some way to get a living. I am dreading it. I keep hoping that the process of recovering from PTSD will make it a little easier for me to work, and to work with, but so far I'm not feeling much change in this regard.

I hope all goes well for you. There have been some times in life where I put career before my mental well being, and they ended in disaster, usually with burned bridges. On the other hand, there have been times when having a commitment to meet kept me from going off the deep end. I would suggest that you do as much as you can, while at the same time keeping an eye on yourself to make sure you are not making a gradual decline. Health, both physical and mental, is the most important thing to me right now.

Pat
 
I too work for a living, to pay bills, ect.... I can't work for a company/corporation. I don't do well with authority, so I work as an independent, like Patrick....

I am alone most of the day/s so it's fairly easy in that respect. I think having balance is important. Not giving everything you have to work, and paying attention to yourself is imperative......

Take good care of yourself, balance things out, and take breaks as often as you can......
 
Hey Irton, congrats on the trying. I'm glad to hear you've had some success with CBT. I'm still working on that myself, it seems to work slowly for me. The only reason I would return to work is survival at this point. I think of it on and off, but my confidence in my ability to do so is almost nil. There is always the option of disability, I don't know if you're really pro or con on that idea though.
 
Well done Irton for getting back in there.

You ask "why do you work" and like most I work to survive, no that's not true I work to provide. When it was just me or just me and my wife I could be more selective in what I done or where I worked. I didn't have to chase the top dollar which meant I could move from job to job quite freely.
Once I had a mortgage and kids I needed more money, so it became more difficult to change jobs. You then start to accept poorer conditions.

"What is the drive"? This is a variable, if asked what is my drive now it would be that I want to do something that seem's worthwhile. This is why I have just quit my job to look after my Father in Law, rather than see him go into a home.

I suspect this may be the sort of dilema you find yourself in at the moment, maybe this is why you question your reasons for working. Perhaps instead of a University you would be more rewarded working with backward kids? But could you afford to?

Good luck

Jesta
 
Hey, Itron. I am struggling with the same situation. I am supposed to go back to work in about a month; I work in a very high-stress, highly competitive, highly political environment-- with Obama just coming into power in the U.S., things have gotten even crazier where I work. I so loved my job, but now just thinking about doing it gives me hot flashes. I used to read a few newspapers a day, plus a handful of dailies just to keep up with every single thing going on; this is basically a job requirement. But now I can barely read a few articles without wanting to stop, so I understand your feeling of the "drive" that you had disappearing or waning.

I also identify with TLight; I just want to do something low stress that pays the bills! Perhaps one day I'll be ready to return to the fast-paced environment I left behind, but right now it's just too much for me. I have some small savings, so a job of some sort will be required soon...

Good luck, I am very interested in your experience going back to work please keep us updated.

the racha
 
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