Revisiting old memories

kirbs

New Here
Hello all,
Recently using techniques I've been going back to certain areas in my life and I'm finding that there is a lot of unprocessed stuff that hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.
I'm revisiting areas of my life when I was really young, a lot of stuff happened then and I'm coming to grips with it.
Only thing I'm struggling with is: I'm having trouble really feeling valid in what I experienced.
I know people say feelings are always valid, but I'm caught between just being overwhelmed with emotion and not being sure if it's all that bad and I'm just being sensitive.
For reference, I was never really beat up or anything that made anyone take note of me back then, but still I'm finding this is hitting me pretty hard, even now as I'm typing this, since I started this it's just been at me a lot.
Has anyone struggled with this in a similar way? I feel halfways being oversensitive and that people may think I've been overreacting and halfway like I'm just hurting deep and it's now just hitting me.
 

kirbs

New Here
Yes, sorry, my original post was a bit rambly.
I received EMDR for a specific event unrelated to other aspects I guess that I'm exploring now.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I guess I still feel tied to thoughts of others, judgements that I can't seem to fully release.
Trying to come to grips with my past (and present, I suppose) in an effort to move forward, but it's not the easiest thing in the world I'm learning.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
If you could be more specific about one incident that is not horribly upsetting to you, then maybe we can help. I'm not talking about details that are painful. Just one of the things that are causing you problems right now. It would help us to help you.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, sorry, my original post was a bit rambly.
I received EMDR for a specific event unrelated to other aspects I guess that I'm exploring now.
I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I guess I still feel tied to thoughts of others, judgements that I can't seem to fully release.
Trying to come to grips with my past (and present, I suppose) in an effort to move forward, but it's not the easiest thing in the world I'm learning.
Everyone has an opinion....and you know what they say about opinions.........every day, at home or work, people make judgements. We make judgements of ourselves and others.... it's a fact of life. In a dysfunctional family, there are scapegoats and the good child....those in control make judgements about others, and then treat them accordingly. I believe most people have been on both sides, whether with words or actions, of being judged and judging others.

Just because someone behaved or said something judgemental......doesn't always make it true. On the other hand, sometimes.....the things others say.....can be true...and that causes uncomfortable shameful feelings. So, without a bit more details......I can only say that look at the judgements....decide if they are valid......if so, take an honest look at what's being judged.....how does the truth make you feel? If the judgement is true....do you plan to change your behavior so that others don't perceive you that way and so you don't feel bad about yourself? What values do you wish to uphold for yourself, and in your interactions with others? If the judgement is untrue and intentionally hurtful, then look at the circumstance, look at the person and their mental/physical health, and the context of the situation and dismiss it.

But like others said, without more info....I'm just shooting in the dark to respond.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Has anyone struggled with this in a similar way? I feel halfways being oversensitive and that people may think I've been overreacting and halfway like I'm just hurting deep and it's now just hitting me.
Yes. For me, I blocked everything out as a child. Told myself that it didn't happen and wasn't a big deal. So when processing as a adult, the childhood trauma is confusing. Because what is more confusing than our minds telling us something traumatic that happened to us, didn't happen (total twist in reality) and was no big deal (another twist in reality). Mind mess ensues.
And we have lived with that narrative for so long.
It's a process to accept what happened. And to accept the impact. And to change the narrative of "you're being overly sensitive" (essentially the survival message of a child) to: it's ok to feel this because that shouldn't have happened and was traumatic (a message that is unbearable for a child to deal with as they don't have the autonomy and ability to do so).

It does get better.
 

kirbs

New Here
Hey all. It concerns mostly stuff that happened during early middle school years. I was in a class which I'd label as a pretty toxic environment. Among my peers at the time, bullying and mocking was the norm. I did things I am now not proud of, and things were mutually dealt back to me that can't be labelled as anything far from harrasement. Again, as was the norm back then. One of my peers and I were targeted the most, but I don't think anyone got of scott-free those 2 years.
Back then, after those 2 years, I went to a new school and basically entered emotional hermit mode for a long time (other factors were involved as well). I'm now dealing with tackling these memories (really tackling - hours of therapy never seemed to get to the core in any manner that it seems to do right now), but I'm wondering - was it that bad, or am I making more of it? If my peers at the time would see me now, or a therapist, would they shrug this off thinking me oversensitive? And also, do I deserve much mending knowing that I wasn't innocent, that I went along easily with the rest?
So that is the kind of stuff I'm dealing with. Can anyone recognize them in something like this? I feel it's clearer to get to terms with hurt that was dealt towards you, but right here it felt like everyone was dishing it out all around. It's such a hard thing for me to tackle, I'm trying to come to grips but finding it difficult.

And I do want to add, I or others in my class never targeted anyone outside our own group, which yeah makes this whole thing weirder. It was just insecurity unleashed and a couple of teens (which were my friends and I hung out with, it was such a weird dynamic) relentlessly lashing out at others. The only person I feel I've ever been unprovoked mean to was my brother, which I still rue, wish I could've been better to him (though never verbally/physically abusive, just mean).
 

Friday

Moderator
Feelings might always be valid, as in... someone is actually feeling them... but that hardly means that the shame a rape victim feels is TOTALLY DESERVED AND RIGHT. Pfft. Yano? Feelings aren’t facts. They’re just feelings. Overwhelming, underwhelming, totally off base, right on target, whatever. We feel shit. Doesn’t make it right. Someone who thinks without feeling, someone who feels without thinking, are both missing out in a big damn way.
 
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