ok, like some, in fact, like most males (myself being 31yo), I have been reluctant to talk about my issues and problems, family life was ok growing up, except for financial issues it was not without its normal problems and no note of any mental health conditions within the family prior.
Grew up with a body deformity called pectus-excavatum aka pigeon chest (abnormal ribs). Yes, like most pubescent young boys i was insecure and tried to hide it every time we showered during Phys. Ed. and believe it or not I managed to avoid bullying and go unnoticed generally throughout life. I was always reassured it was who i was and it can't be changed, but as I got older I still kept it in the back of my mind of how insecure i was and still am; i have tried everything hospital-wise for advice but it was always considered cosmetic so no further help needed.
I've never had an immediate problem approaching women (longest r'ship 4 years), getting by on 'ok' facial looks, but again it would still be quite harrowing so like most young lads I tried working out to help the situation, which eventually decided would make it look worse, but made me feel better whilst doing it in a catch22 scenario and in a strange way quite self-theraputic. So due to my lack of female attention through life, i went to uni + felt i had to make up for it and went on a bit of a tangent having multiple partners leading to me catching an STI without knowing the symptoms and I passed it on but before I realised she had told someone of who she thought was my friend who ended up blabbing about it to everyone, I was so embarrassed.
10 years on now everyone in my immediate circle knows about it whenever i start a new job or meet new people, I'm so paranoid about who knows and people judging me is becoming a bit of a problem and taking its toll on me on top of a lot of other issues as well as my already low self-esteem.
I feel i cant talk to my family about it because I don't want them to think i'm not coping as they have enough problems, and as mentioned earlier I don't talk about my problems so I just had to write all this down and I hope I am in the right place.
thank you for welcoming me to this community any advice welcome
Grew up with a body deformity called pectus-excavatum aka pigeon chest (abnormal ribs). Yes, like most pubescent young boys i was insecure and tried to hide it every time we showered during Phys. Ed. and believe it or not I managed to avoid bullying and go unnoticed generally throughout life. I was always reassured it was who i was and it can't be changed, but as I got older I still kept it in the back of my mind of how insecure i was and still am; i have tried everything hospital-wise for advice but it was always considered cosmetic so no further help needed.
I've never had an immediate problem approaching women (longest r'ship 4 years), getting by on 'ok' facial looks, but again it would still be quite harrowing so like most young lads I tried working out to help the situation, which eventually decided would make it look worse, but made me feel better whilst doing it in a catch22 scenario and in a strange way quite self-theraputic. So due to my lack of female attention through life, i went to uni + felt i had to make up for it and went on a bit of a tangent having multiple partners leading to me catching an STI without knowing the symptoms and I passed it on but before I realised she had told someone of who she thought was my friend who ended up blabbing about it to everyone, I was so embarrassed.
10 years on now everyone in my immediate circle knows about it whenever i start a new job or meet new people, I'm so paranoid about who knows and people judging me is becoming a bit of a problem and taking its toll on me on top of a lot of other issues as well as my already low self-esteem.
I feel i cant talk to my family about it because I don't want them to think i'm not coping as they have enough problems, and as mentioned earlier I don't talk about my problems so I just had to write all this down and I hope I am in the right place.
thank you for welcoming me to this community any advice welcome
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