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Message: <blockquote data-quote="HealingMama" data-source="post: 1705542" data-attributes="member: 42233">That's an interesting thought. Maybe sometimes that is what is going on. I do think the incident that inspired this thread was more like safety being dangerous. In trying to articulate this, I am reminded of Diane Poole Heller's attachment injury trainings. Specifically the fourth module. I get her therapist-facing advertisements and her DARe4 training sounds right on the money. One of the goals of that training is to <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Unravel the entanglement of the 'need to attach' from the instinct to 'defend against' survival-threat that arises from a parent being too scary or who had unresolved trauma of their own</li> </ul>And that's how I'd describe this. There's a need to attach, but it's also something to defend against, so I feel pulled into fight mode or flight mode or sometimes freeze mode. Occasionally I give into the attachment need, and then all my alarms go off and within short order I'm trying to unravel it somehow. Attachment means threat for me on a deeper level, so deep that it's hard to even be conscious of this pattern. I tend to pick very natural, convincing reasons to distance myself.</blockquote>