StressedOut26
New Here
Reading this message board has helped me tonight. I havent been sleeping or eating well. 2 days ago I saw the body of a man who jumped from the building across from me. I cant get the image out of my head and Im afraid it will never go away. I feel like this is something I could have controlled. I heard someone had jumped and my curiosity got the best of me. I feel like I did this to myself and if I wouldnt have been so stupid, I wouldnt be going through this. I feel like everything was great with my life before this. I had such wonderful peace of mind and I loved being at home alone watching TV or just relaxing and I havent been able to relax in days. I had such a serious panic attack yesterday that my step father had to come pick me up and hold my hand. My fiance is not the best support system. Hes been through so much in his life that he gets so scared hes going to lose me. But then, that makes me panic more cause I feel like he thinks Im going to go crazy and when someone else thinks that, you dont really have faith in your getting better. He lost both his parents at a very young age. I try to make myself fell better by thinking that hes been through something worse than me and he's dealing with it. Ive been taking my moms Paxils which I know is terrible to do but there are times when the panic attacks get so extreme, my whole body feels like its on fire. My biggest fear is that Im never going to be able to stop this image from intruding in my regular thoughts. I used to be a fan of so many TV shows (CSI, Greys Anatomy, ER) but I feel like everything reminds me of what I saw. I want to be able to enjoy the things I used to without thinking about this person. I hate the fact that this person had nothing to do with me yet left this impression on my life. I know its still early, so I do feel hope that I will get better but sometimes the thought of never getting better intrudes and thats when I panic. Last night, I got very drunk and I actually had fun with my friends but now IM sober and awake after 3 hours of sleep and still panicking. Should I see someone now? Or give it more time? I want my peace of mind back.