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Sexual Assault Saying his name

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SinkorSwim

MyPTSD Pro
I was in therapy yesterday and I wrote down a bunch of little sentences about my sexual assault. My first sentence I had to say out loud was my assulters name. It took me the full hour but I did it. I thought it would help me to gain some power back over what happened to me. Instead it left me scared, sad and confused. Now I'm worried about even going back to therapy. I don't want to feel this way every time I say a sentence out loud. Will it ever get better?
 
I was in therapy yesterday and I wrote down a bunch of little sentences about my sexual assault. My fi...
It will get easier. My first T had me read stuff out loud. It was both good and bad. She would find powerful statements and make me read them again. Sometimes, it made the shame too much to bear. Other times, she gave me validation and much needed empathy. My new T will just read stuff in my journal if I think she needs to read it. Sometimes, that feels unnerving. When you read your own, if gives you a little bit more of a sense of control.
 
I still struggle with this. My T and I have given him/them nicknames that are close to their real names so that I feel a bit better about saying them.
The more you write about them, the more you talk about their names, the easier I have found it gets. If you feel it is too much, always tell that to your T. If you feel hurt/confused or scared, try to tell your T that too.

I know this is hard, but proud of you for getting there <3
 
Thank you I decided to write my therapist an email today. I was dissociating a lot at work today. I told her what my seven year old self was feeling during the past session. She helped me so much today. I know it's going to be an uphill battle but being as open as I can about what I'm feeling will only help me in the end.
 
!st of all kudos for being brave and even trying! That in and of itself is a huge step towards healing. 2nd, yes, it does get easier...not instantly by any means. It takes time. Be compassionate with yourself and take sweet care of you in the process....I have found for me that I can hit it hard and then sometimes for me I need a break and that is part of caring for me and not pressuring myself that I have to "finish"... be pproud of yourself!
 
I still have a lot of difficulty saying his name too, I actually never did in therapy, Or even now come to think of it. I never realized other people struggled with this. You’re in therapy, so keep working at it, I’m sure with proper help it’ll get easier, and you’ll get stronger!
 
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