Scared by the rapid increase in prices

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there!
So I am having an online job (with few offline meetings or work) that is stable for the next few months. And God, that's a blessing! I've struggled to have anything stable for like 4 years. Covid restrictions and world changes on top of PTSD just made it worse. So I thought finally- some relief, stability, chance to get on my feet. That's how it was in july and august, I almost started to relax money-wise for a first time in a LONG time.

Hoowever.... everything is more expensive now, by like 30%. Some things a lot less, but some things more. And this is my first stable gig in a while, so I have a lot to catch up on, debts, building savings, having proper seasonal clothes that aren't falling apart, buying cooking dishes I need to cook more ... And again, if this was last year, no problem whatsoever, would have finally been making more than I need. But this year, the same amount just doesn't amount to the same thing... My laptop after 6 years finally gave out and I work on it, so now I have computer payments to make... Food is more expensive. Everything is. And even the small changes in price, they add up when it comes to items you buy weekly. I got paid and like 3 days later I was all out of money after all payments, meds and food. Since that, last month has been a struggle. I've gotten 2 tiny (from friends) loans, and did 2 side work projects and pawned my tablet (it was an old one so that barely helped for a week of food) just to get through the month.

I'm so frustrated because this job was supposed to help me avoid months like that.
I'm so tired of having a financial crisis twice a week.
Now my phone broke so I have to sell something to fix it (need it for confirmation for logging into paypal...), I have work deadline so I can get my regular monthly payment, and I need to start a side gig of some sort.

I was so proud of myself to be stable again, and now I'm so FRUSTRATED with myself.
Any tips for handling this? It's setting off all my survival alarms frequently, so my PTSD side is also irritated right now, and I don't need panic attacks on top of everything... I need like... extra faith to just start a side gig because even stable work is new for me after the last years. Now I need to do a side gig too...
 

Defaultxlove

MyPTSD Pro
I need to start a side gig of some sort.
Before you said you need extra faith for this I had it quoted...to tell you it's so worth finding time and sitting down with pencil and paper and brainstorming. Make the first goal that, to sit down with a clear mind. And do that. I will pray for your situation. And I'm glad you wrote about it.

I feel the change in prices too. And it's none of your own fault so:
FRUSTRATED with myself.
Any tips for handling this?
Gotta accept it's not your fault.

❤️Please ignore me if not helpful!!
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Gotta accept it's not your fault.
Thank you! I know it's not in some ways (like the obvious global ones), but I was just so proud to finally be independent and able to cover my bills and needs without worry for a bit. And it's just such a frustrating feeling. Yeah, I finally made it... for a full 2 months.... and now it's back to taking it week by week. It's demoralising a bit.

Make the first goal that, to sit down with a clear mind. And do that. I will pray for your situation.
I will try that, I feel like I'm so full of guilt and self-blame that it's blocking me from actually coping with the reality of the situation. Because however hard I work this week, truth is the moment I get paid that money is already all assigned so I have to start something additional, stat.
As well as, it's hard not to blame myself when I'm having a 4th week of playing the 'how will you manage this week' spin the wheel on a solution kind of game. And I may have used all my cards, so... yeah I will be praying too, even though I'm not the praying kind.

Maybe I'll journal first and brainstorm right after so that I really have a clear mind.
I was always the creative person and moments like this I put myself down so much I feel untalented. Time to go back to thought exercises as well, I guess.

@Defaultxlove Oh, and, it does help. This situation won't magically resolve itself, so having different perspectives on it, and support, it does help some.
So thank you!🥰
 

Defaultxlove

MyPTSD Pro
You're welcome @SeekingAfrica !
I'm having a 4th week of playing the 'how will you manage this week' spin the wheel on a solution kind of game.
This can be exhausting. I've been thru struggle times for sure.

I wonder why so much guilt and shame tho?

Sometimes crazy things happen. Like randomly my vehicles engine blew up while driving up a huge mountain on a hot day. Lost money and it messed up my finances to purchase another vehicle. But was necessary. It wasn't my fault. It was stressful!! I felt discouraged. Do you feel discouraged?
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
I love my second hand stores for everything from pots and pans to clothing, purses and the occasional piece of furniture. If I need something in particular I usually look there first before heading to a retail store.

To save money on food I cook at home. Things I can make in bulk and freeze. I ONLY buy food/meat that is on sale especially if it's buy one get one. If canned tomatoes are on sale this week I stock up. Pork loin is bogo??? I grab the 2 biggest and cut/freeze in smaller quantities. When I was really struggling financially I ate a boat load of noodles. Cheap/easy/filling. Add a few vegetables and some soy....

We were able to get on the hardship plan with our gas and electric companies when J wasn't working and struggling. That was a lifesaver!!

You probably already know this stuff. Sorry.

Hope things come together for you!
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
All the comments have been helpful (even things I've heard- sometimes you need reminder).
Please someone help me untangle this... saying brainstorming is easy but how do I work when all I can think is that any food I have needs to be cooked (and it's not much), I'm behind on deadlines (both set by myself and others), I'm saved, taken loans, worked, and still I can't gather enough change to buy bread and when I am upset I burn everything.

It's probably not as bad. I'm not evicted, I have work I can do... and food I can cook even badly, even if I burn it, I'm just so DEPRESSED and anxious about it. And I'm working in bits of 15 min and it's still so hard to even do full hours, or part hours and I need them to get paid.
The need-meds-and-break kind of upset and I thought planning and sleeping enough will make it better and it keeps getting worse .
How could I grow so much this past year AND STIll find myself in this situation??
HOW??

Okay. Signing out. Need to go calm down.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I'm glad to see you back and I'm sorry circumstances have changed and made you feel like it had something to do with you. You are still doing well, they just moved the bar higher. You still deserve the respect and happiness you gave yourself. The advice everyone gave is awesome, so I won't add more, just know I'm here and rooting for you.
Yes but... I fought so hard for getting to this bar, how do I get higher? It was already an adjustment. And then it started feeling like nothing I did was enough (because it wasn't). Which doesn't help. It took me so long to get 1 stable thing going, and now I need to figure out another in few weeks (if not days)? Is that real?
I've used everything I have to just keep afloat so other important financial tasks just keep moving forward and forward. I've used all my extra fast income options. And my mental health affects my creativity too... I know such moments pass, but there were so many in the last years, that I think now I'm just too exhausted and I have a breakdown, like today.
Thank you for rooting for me, but I literally made myself sick today (When I get too anxious sometimes it happens, my body just takes over and I get nauseous, or faint or like I have a cold). I made hot cocoa from baking cocoa, sugar and water and it just didn't work. I have no strength to cook so I'm using some last eggs. I just... how do I deal with this situation if I barely have energy to deal with my mental health? I was so happy, and balanced and stable for 2 months and feel so gutted that I'm in this state now. And I know in the past I didn't deal well so I need to do things differently, but I don't know how. Sorry. I'm sorry. That's a rant, a bit. I need to accept the reality but for the day, I think I'm just beyond that. I just can't. Don't give up on me, but I just need a day or whatever. I just don't know how to cope.
 
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