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Scared i'm sick

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Emily1234, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. Emily1234

    Emily1234 New Member


    I joined MyPtsd a while ago as I suffer from PTSD. I was in therapy, and was receiving help.

    But last week, another trauma happened.
    A trauma that makes me feel I was spoiled before.

    I was raped last week, by some stranger.

    I'm scared I caught AIDS.
    I made the medical tests today.
    Was given a shot and lots of antibiotics pills.

    The doctor said I need to wait another 2 weeks before I test for AIDS.

    I'm divorced, I have a little kid, and it just kills me to look at him and imagine I won't be there for him.

    I'm so mad at my therapist.
    I called him immediately after what happened. But he didn't take it seriously. Until I told him I'll never come to therapy again. Only than it hit him that I needed him. Even than he didn't recommend for me to go to a physical examination. It was Wednesday. And than when I feel like the flashbacks were killing me, and texted him I need to speak with him, he didn't bother to call me back. Afterwards, when I asked him about it, he said weekends are "family time".
    I never contacted him in the weekends.
    Isn't rape enough for him to talk with me even on his family time? :( He did Apologize when I told him how much this hurt me.
    I'll mention I'm seeing him twice a week for almost 2 years now. I thought he cares for me.

    I don't know if I should leave therapy, doesn't seem like a good timing for that. But I don't trust him.

    And I'm scared to death I'm sick.
    I wouldn't mind dieing if I didn't have my son.
    At this point I want to die.
    But I can't, I want to live for him.
    I feel cursed.

    Don't know what to do.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Not all therapists are available outside of that 45 minute time slot that you get once or twice a week. I know mine isn’t.

    If you require a therapist who can help you outside of therapy appointment times it’s important that you ask about this in the beginning.
  4. Emily1234

    Emily1234 New Member

    I didn't, not like this. Not until now...

    Do you know if there's a therapy type that is more available? I don't even know what/how to look for it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2018
  5. somerandomguy

    somerandomguy Learning how to be myself Premium Member Donated

    I'm really sorry that happened to you.

    Catching HIV is no longer a death sentence. In fact, most HIV+ individuals live very normal lives with drug therapy.
  6. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    I think it’s just something learned the hard way. If you require support outside of therapy, for now you will need to rely on friends, family, this forum, or a crisis/support hotline.

    It’s not a therapy type, it’s a therapist boundary. You will have to ask each therapist that you interview.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2018
  7. Emily1234

    Emily1234 New Member

    I understand, thanks
  8. Emily1234

    Emily1234 New Member

    I hope I won't loose my job in all this.
    I was functioning the first week, but now it's really hard to do anything.

    I only told my mom today. She is helping.
    It's just different than a therapist.

    Maybe I'll start looking for a new one, with different boundaries as you suggested...
    EveHarrington likes this.
  9. Muttly

    Muttly I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    Right now, everything is really fresh and awful. You are in reactionary mode which is understandable. Try not to make any major decisions until you get your feet under you. It may be you need a new T but maybe hold off on making that decision? Have you connected with any rape support services yet? This can be a support in addition to your T or perhaps help you to find a new T.

    Also, try not to to catastrophize. I know it's really easy to do that and completely understandable but your mind is leaping to worse possibilities like AIDs and losing your job. Those are things that could happen but there's a very good chance they won't happen.

    I am so sorry this happened to you. How can we support your best right now?
    Friday likes this.
  10. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    1. I would very strongly suggest you see if there is a rape crisis center, or rape crisis line local to you. As this is an international forum, resources are going to be very different in different areas. Simply google “rape crisis center” & your location.

    Crisis services operate very differently than traditional therapy, and aren’t a substitute for therapy, but are designed for people in exactly your situation... there’s been a crisis, and you need help now.

    2. Hopefully it’s going to be very rare that you’ll suffer a major trauma, much less a major trauma not during office hours. So I agree, it’s most likely best not to make big decisions both in the middle of a crisis, and based on a situation that will hopefully never happen, again.

    Even therapists who do have emergency after hours and weekend times would most likely be referring you to a crisis center in addition to the therapy you’re getting with them. Again, because the needs are different. The crisis center for your needs right this moment, and your regular therapy for dealing with your PTSD + Crisis.

    To be very clear, I’m not saying not to look for a new therapist, but right now with everything going on, I would suggest adding crisis therapy to your trauma therapy, rather than replacing your trauma therapy with different trauma therapy. Plenty of time to do that later, if you like. It’s not a decision you have to make right now.
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2018
    joeylittle, Muttly, PURUSHA and 2 others like this.
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