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Scared to go to the hospital

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AddHomnym

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I'm in a bad place today and part of me knows that I should be in the hospital for my own safety. I've never done that before. I'm terrified it will open up the final door that makes me officially "crazy". The idea of being away from my place, my safe spot, my things, makes me want to puke. I feel as if today something new in my snapped. No clue what it even is. I only feel it. My despair, my sense that no one is listening or is not understanding what I'm trying to communicate, this f*cking inability to even want to move or breathe. It's crushing me. I keep hitting myself.

I'm so f*cking scared to go to the hospital. To me that changes everything.
 
It will possibly change everything, but not in the way your mind perceives it now.... but good things, new outlooks, a safe place for raw healing. I am a spiritual person, not a religious one, so , hope you take this as intended love and support... That some great Energy takes you by the hand and leads you into healing... what ever avenue that takes.... thinking of you... and maybe the people around you do not hear you, but we do.... and we understand.... please be safe.... sending gentle hugs if you accept... if that is not what you need or want, then take the intention and use it in ways that let you know you are not alone....
 
This is just my thought about me ever going back to the psyche ward again and I would not go back there again. I have had multiple horrifying cuckoo's nest experiences in several psychiatric hospitals and now hindsight being 20/20, I would've sought out a good trauma therapist and started to work on my ptsd recovery had I been back then correctly diagnosed with ptsd but I wasn't.

I was not correctly diagnosed with ptsd until 3/2012 and was incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar from 12/1985 to 3/2012, (on paper in 10/1992), which is the main reason I signed myself in numerous times to the psychiatric wards due to being also incorrectly prescribed numerous (at the same time) psychotropic and anti psychotic drugs for the wrong diagnosis, and I was losing my ever-loving mind on these drugs, and also suicidal due to undiagnosed ptsd at the time.

I'm grateful that I've had the horrific nightmare boogymen experiences in the psychiatric hospitals to know that I have a choice today; and I will never again set foot inside another psyche ward as long as I live. Nightmare! I'm also grateful that you seem to be doing much better now, and please always know that you can reach out here and members as you've experienced here do very much understand how you feel and are here for you.

However, if you ever feel out of control with feelings like harming yourself as I did back then, please by all means seek inpatient treatment for not every hospital is the same as where I went, and some are very therapeutic and healing and can protect you from yourself if the case ever arises. I'm here for you too.
 
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