School and shit


Im starting examweek friday and i am absolutely f*cking stressed. My mind and body are feeling it. I’m still having a lot of panic attacks sometimes multiple times a day but I’m not having a lot of nightmares and im able to sleep pretty well (im not sleeping a lot because im kinda busy all the time so idk negative and a positive at the same time).

But as much as i feel like i’m doing everything right, i still feel like it’s not sufficient. Like everything sucks and yeah it really kinda does but also it doesn’t have a reason to suck.
Why is everything so complicated. I just want to get through life fast. I feel completely alone but i guess i’ve been getting used to it so gradually that its not as bad as i thought it would be when others talked about it.

When does it stop. I tried so long to get better and I finally really want to get better (and im pissed off nothing is working even after 9 years) its takjng sooooi long and I’m just tired.
gentle empathy on the feeling that nothing you do is sufficient. i once had an awards banquet thrown in my honor and probably felt less sufficient that night than any other night of my life. how am i supposed to trust these fools who think **i** deserve an awards banquet. the members of my therapy support network started nagging me about learning how to take a compliment at face value. again. . . works in progress. . .

more empathy on the frustration of not being able to see progress in my healing journey. more works are in progress. . .

be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. healing is a journey more than a destination and time has no meaning in the healing journey.