I may have ptsd and I may have neuroticism. Id like to get an opinion on at least one of them. Though this may not be the best approach it is the best approach I have available.
History: 1. The first memory that I can think of at the age of 5 or 6 my mother asked a man to watch me one night so she could go to work, she had no other option. There are too many details. At some point it was bath time and the man was drunk. He told me to lay flat in the water. He eventually got angry, grabbed a electric cord, then dunked me in the water to drown me as he also choked me with the cord. Luckily he realized what he was doing and let me go.
2. My mom married an abusive alcoholic, you can imagine as much of that as you wish.
3. As most black sheep preteens would do I became rebellious and rolled the dice a few times. The crowd I associated with was the same. Most common drugs like pot, pills, cocaine, psychedelics and so on. Some examples, There was a time a friend was chased with a machete, another time where a friend overdosed. Fist fights, a few guns pointed my way and I attempted suicide a couple of times.
4. One of the psychedelics was the hardest to deal with. The end of this trip was me watching someone disect me from above myself (so in 3rd person) for what seemed like days unable to look away or close my eyes.
5. Later, I moved in with my father to get away from things. I was probably 20 or 21. An uncle of mine through marriage that is a meth addict messed up and blew his meth lab up at about 2am. Turns out he believed that I was sleeping with his wife. He tried to get me with a shotgun. He left because of. the cops. (I'd like to add all the details to these things but it'd be a book)
6. I had pretty bad hypervigilance as a kid. I have bad anxiety and stress now. Sometimes I get irritable...idk I'm not around people much so it's not a definite thing to say that I do or don't have irritability. I don't get flashbacks but I do reflect on my experiences quite often, some are in 3rd person. Might be why I dont have flashbacks? I feel guilty a lot. I'm not very fearful in common situations/ environment and I have a rational trust for people I know and don't know.
What's your opinion?
History: 1. The first memory that I can think of at the age of 5 or 6 my mother asked a man to watch me one night so she could go to work, she had no other option. There are too many details. At some point it was bath time and the man was drunk. He told me to lay flat in the water. He eventually got angry, grabbed a electric cord, then dunked me in the water to drown me as he also choked me with the cord. Luckily he realized what he was doing and let me go.
2. My mom married an abusive alcoholic, you can imagine as much of that as you wish.
3. As most black sheep preteens would do I became rebellious and rolled the dice a few times. The crowd I associated with was the same. Most common drugs like pot, pills, cocaine, psychedelics and so on. Some examples, There was a time a friend was chased with a machete, another time where a friend overdosed. Fist fights, a few guns pointed my way and I attempted suicide a couple of times.
4. One of the psychedelics was the hardest to deal with. The end of this trip was me watching someone disect me from above myself (so in 3rd person) for what seemed like days unable to look away or close my eyes.
5. Later, I moved in with my father to get away from things. I was probably 20 or 21. An uncle of mine through marriage that is a meth addict messed up and blew his meth lab up at about 2am. Turns out he believed that I was sleeping with his wife. He tried to get me with a shotgun. He left because of. the cops. (I'd like to add all the details to these things but it'd be a book)
6. I had pretty bad hypervigilance as a kid. I have bad anxiety and stress now. Sometimes I get irritable...idk I'm not around people much so it's not a definite thing to say that I do or don't have irritability. I don't get flashbacks but I do reflect on my experiences quite often, some are in 3rd person. Might be why I dont have flashbacks? I feel guilty a lot. I'm not very fearful in common situations/ environment and I have a rational trust for people I know and don't know.
What's your opinion?
