Hi all. I'm looking forward to my intake appointment with a new therapist next week and would like some input as I'm feeling a little lost.
For some background on my treatment history: I have various sources of trauma (including some major medical life events) and saw a therapist locally for about nine months in the past year. Toward the end I was retraumatized during another medical incident, took a break from therapy for a couple months, and then right before I came back, I had a pretty significant dissociative episode (I think? Still learning what all these things feel like) with a lot of memory loss. I don’t think that’s happened before, not to this extent - it did feel weird and scary. We both realized by then that she wasn’t really equipped to deal with the kind of stuff that’s going on. So she referred me to someone else in the practice who’s equally experienced but also trained in EMDR, and generally probably more suited to my situation. So that’s fine, my previous therapist is great, I’m looking forward to meeting this one as well.
I struggle so much with my memory and cognition. I know I’m not stupid, I just have trouble keeping information in my brain. I also have a lot of fatigue from my chronic illness that makes it difficult for me to keep up new habits, digest new info (and remember that I’ve done so), remember conversations, etc. I do still feel stupid and careless sometimes. Every day feels like some kind of time loop if I don't have my calendar and diary to record what happened the day before. Anyway, all that is to say that my coping strategy is to write down literally everything. My memory is shot when I'm tired or stressed, so I barely remember anything from therapy if I don't write it down. Here's what I've got so far in google docs and in a binder:
- Therapy diary: I add to it before, during, and after a session. So I have a journal of my entire time with my last therapist, for example. Immensely valuable.
- Two-line diary: basically a list of my successes/progress as it happens. I write down when I've journaled, made review sheets on topics that are new to me, had appointments, had hard/necessary conversations that touch on therapy topics, looked up new resources, started reading a new book. Every day feels the same if I can't feel the progress somehow, and with this I can see everything I've managed to do for myself. Feels pretty good.
- Resource lists: all the authors, methods, blogs, websites, communities, youtube channels that I'm referring to. If I didn't keep a list like this I'd forget who everyone but Janina Fisher is.
- Book notes: I type out notes on the books I'm reading, keep transcripts of documentaries, etc. Right now I'm working through Janina Fisher's book (Fragmented Selves).
- Reflections & journals: Handwriting makes my brain work differently so I usually handwrite my reflections on what I'm reading, how it connects to my own life, if anything interesting comes up in my mind when I'm reading. Sometimes it's just "I feel called out" or "did the author read my diary" but it helps me remember what clicks with me.
- Topics: I've been starting to write out "review sheets" like I was back in school, on specific topics like "disenfranchised grief and chronic illness" for example. Summarizing and handwriting helps me incorporate new ideas faster.
There's a little more but that's the gist of it. It might seem very organized, but in reality this is the amount of external assistance I need to make any progress while I'm fatigued, traumatized, disabled at home, frequently dissociating, without a supportive social network, with a partner who also has PTSD. I have a "life binder" because without it I can't remember what breakfast is, how to take care of myself, or which receipts I need for taxes. The moment I try to multitask or tackle two priorities at once, I just zone out and forget what I was doing and then it's two hours later somehow.
That's where I'm coming from: I'd like to hear what anyone else has done to prep for a new therapist, and/or how they approach the everyday parts of incorporating things from therapy. I really do need a lot of structure and I want to get better so badly. But it's hard to picture how to get there without knowing how to navigate all the little things in between. Some feedback would also reduce some stress before the intake appt. Thanks for reading.
For some background on my treatment history: I have various sources of trauma (including some major medical life events) and saw a therapist locally for about nine months in the past year. Toward the end I was retraumatized during another medical incident, took a break from therapy for a couple months, and then right before I came back, I had a pretty significant dissociative episode (I think? Still learning what all these things feel like) with a lot of memory loss. I don’t think that’s happened before, not to this extent - it did feel weird and scary. We both realized by then that she wasn’t really equipped to deal with the kind of stuff that’s going on. So she referred me to someone else in the practice who’s equally experienced but also trained in EMDR, and generally probably more suited to my situation. So that’s fine, my previous therapist is great, I’m looking forward to meeting this one as well.
I struggle so much with my memory and cognition. I know I’m not stupid, I just have trouble keeping information in my brain. I also have a lot of fatigue from my chronic illness that makes it difficult for me to keep up new habits, digest new info (and remember that I’ve done so), remember conversations, etc. I do still feel stupid and careless sometimes. Every day feels like some kind of time loop if I don't have my calendar and diary to record what happened the day before. Anyway, all that is to say that my coping strategy is to write down literally everything. My memory is shot when I'm tired or stressed, so I barely remember anything from therapy if I don't write it down. Here's what I've got so far in google docs and in a binder:
- Therapy diary: I add to it before, during, and after a session. So I have a journal of my entire time with my last therapist, for example. Immensely valuable.
- Two-line diary: basically a list of my successes/progress as it happens. I write down when I've journaled, made review sheets on topics that are new to me, had appointments, had hard/necessary conversations that touch on therapy topics, looked up new resources, started reading a new book. Every day feels the same if I can't feel the progress somehow, and with this I can see everything I've managed to do for myself. Feels pretty good.
- Resource lists: all the authors, methods, blogs, websites, communities, youtube channels that I'm referring to. If I didn't keep a list like this I'd forget who everyone but Janina Fisher is.
- Book notes: I type out notes on the books I'm reading, keep transcripts of documentaries, etc. Right now I'm working through Janina Fisher's book (Fragmented Selves).
- Reflections & journals: Handwriting makes my brain work differently so I usually handwrite my reflections on what I'm reading, how it connects to my own life, if anything interesting comes up in my mind when I'm reading. Sometimes it's just "I feel called out" or "did the author read my diary" but it helps me remember what clicks with me.
- Topics: I've been starting to write out "review sheets" like I was back in school, on specific topics like "disenfranchised grief and chronic illness" for example. Summarizing and handwriting helps me incorporate new ideas faster.
There's a little more but that's the gist of it. It might seem very organized, but in reality this is the amount of external assistance I need to make any progress while I'm fatigued, traumatized, disabled at home, frequently dissociating, without a supportive social network, with a partner who also has PTSD. I have a "life binder" because without it I can't remember what breakfast is, how to take care of myself, or which receipts I need for taxes. The moment I try to multitask or tackle two priorities at once, I just zone out and forget what I was doing and then it's two hours later somehow.
That's where I'm coming from: I'd like to hear what anyone else has done to prep for a new therapist, and/or how they approach the everyday parts of incorporating things from therapy. I really do need a lot of structure and I want to get better so badly. But it's hard to picture how to get there without knowing how to navigate all the little things in between. Some feedback would also reduce some stress before the intake appt. Thanks for reading.
I'm new to it but so far it's been nothing but positive (as long as everything's in one place). Do you have any other app recommendations or things that worked / didn't work for you?
