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Seeking comfort and self destruction

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Last night I started rocking without realizing it. I also binge ate frosting. I have done some other off normal things that are impulsive and I finally realized I can't seem to find comfort and that's what I think I'm trying to find. Not just a change in feeling but fundamental comfort of some type. I am shivering after running into a rapist and my self talk about a recent meeting is shit. I am ready to burn myself over a question someone said was a good question but now I think is stupid. I'm trying to mentally and physically destroy myself (mental self talk and physical self injury) and trying to find comfort somehow too.

Anyone else deal with this?
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expert i ain't, but i solidly believe that finding comfort is worth the effort. i am even tempted to call it, "self-care." yeah, i'm tough, but everything is easier when i am comfy.

with awareness, some of those compulsive self-comforts can be repurposed into effective therapy tools. the rocking is an excellent example of such. in my own case, my compulsive tapping grew into EFT and i kinda swear by it as a grounding tool. as a compulsive psycho tick, my tapping could disrupt any social flow. as a grounding tool, i can discipline into a less disruptive tool which helps me manage my anxiety in stressful situations.
Sorry you are in the grinder. My T says I’m seeking familiarity rather than comfort when I self-harm. I still get the sense of “comfort,” but I understand what she means and why she says that—she wants me to find real comfort.

Sometimes forcing myself to go outside or go for a walk helps shift the feelings a little. Do you have a set of positive coping strategies that have worked for you in the past?
I have absolutely needed comfort.

Sometimes in the form of a friend. Sometimes in the form of a soft blanket. The sunshine. Doing something I enjoy or feel alive when I do it. For example if I loved fishing but my poles broke in the back of the shed.

My self care might be to get myself level enough to get that fish pole out and go fishing.

I hope that makes sense

I'm sorry you're so unsettled right now.

I made time out bottles for my kids. Empty water bottle sparkles beads etc then glued shut. For if they were overestimulated, needed to calm down.

I stared at that bottle once for nearly ten minutes.

Maybe try to find something beautiful and embrace it.

It's hard to let ourselves enjoy the good after such bad but we all deserve it. We all deserve to leave the past behind and feel better.

I hope you figure some things out. And take good care.
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