Self Advocacy??

Charmd1

Learning
Apologies for the rant...
I am looking for tips to help advocate for myself while having a regression of symptoms.
Every time I open my mouth I feel like I am whining. I have been accused of trying to mooch off of the system, told my "social problems" are not treatable medically etc.
I am employed full time, a single parent of two challenging/struggling teens and have one person I can go to for basic help that I can trust.

I have been dealing with a regression for about 11 months now.
For the first 6 months it wasn't severe yet, so I did all the things you are supposed to do.
1. regulate sleep.
2. eat healthy
3. get exercise
4. mitigate the self-isolation tendencies.
5. take my vitamins
6. meditate, breathing exercises and practice switching focus from the trauma triggers bla bla bla....

7th month the depression, shame, guilt, suicidal thoughts, physical pain, nightmares etc started getting out of control.
So I went to my family physician and requested a psych referral and to start treatment for depression.
I have a very low tolerance to medications, I am the poster child of side effects.
We tried one med that halfway worked until one of my health plans terminated and my cost share became over 200 a month.
Next was the SSRI and I was very open that historically I had very bad reactions to them.
Two months and I am a zombie and my cognition is so impacted I cant even remember the name of my kiddos congenital disease they have had since birth.
Next was Wellbutrin. I took the quit smoking version 20 years ago and it triggered a pretty bad state. This time around It just as bad 3 weeks of reduced sleep,
from 8 hours interrupted to 3 full of nightmares and waking up in panic mode many times a night.
I pushed through cause the first month side effects right. It a massive increase in anxiety so bad I was getting heart palpitation's.
There have been some additional stressors lately.
Sunday I woke up to a simple text that broke me. I cried uncontrollably all day, I went into fight or flight and I freaked when my kiddo touched me.
And I explained very badly why what was being asked of me was expecting too much.
I should have gone to the hospital. I didn't have the presence of mind to get myself there.
We don't have a safety plan for when mommy loses her shit because mommy can usually mitigate her reaction but not this time.
(We have developed a safety plan for if I crack again now)

Now my Doctor is saying he is only a GP and he doesn't want to treat me anymore as he does not want to be liable. he told me I am bi-polar and by this time,
I am stammering saying have you done any research on PTSD? But on the plus side I finally have my psych referral for 18 months from now....


What the Hell do I do now???
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
holy crap.
Ok, first up? Your doc is an ass. Flat.Out.Ass
if hes going to fire you as a patient then he should at least help you find a better equipped (better human) doctor
This is on him. Not you. Take t from someone who knows shitty doctors

18 months for therapy? Would it help if you went thru the er system? That might bump you up the list if you are showing you need hospitalization?

I can't remember if you are in the states, but if you are have you tried the 211 system? We have that around here, it's kind of one stop social services. And from what I understand it's really helpful to get people connected to who they need

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I wish I had better ideas to offer
 

Sideways

Moderator
I am stammering saying have you done any research on PTSD? But on the plus side I finally have my psych referral for 18 months from now....
Are you able to see anyone else earlier than this? Even if it's just a temporary measure to get you through that 18 month wait?

It sounds like your GP knows that this is beyond their expertise. But it should be within their scope to help you get the help you need, by assisting you with that referral process.
 

Charmd1

Learning
holy crap.
Ok, first up? Your doc is an ass. Flat.Out.Ass
if hes going to fire you as a patient then he should at least help you find a better equipped (better human) doctor
This is on him. Not you. Take t from someone who knows shitty doctors

18 months for therapy? Would it help if you went thru the er system? That might bump you up the list if you are showing you need hospitalization?

I can't remember if you are in the states, but if you are have you tried the 211 system? We have that around here, it's kind of one stop social services. And from what I understand it's really helpful to get people connected to who they need

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I wish I had better ideas to offer
Thanks Freida.

We are in agreement on the ass statement.
I am in Canada and currently there is not enough funding to deal with the surge of mental health crises here over covid so resources are stretched thin..
I can get basic therapy within 2 months i am on the list and it is triaged so I can get bumped as easily as i can move up the list. the 18 month wait is for a Psychiatrist
Because I need a dr that is actually trained for treating treatment resistant depression and CPTSD and wont think i am drug seeking as my primary doc does. I have taken all of the should do steps i am just very frustrated because i dont seem to be communicating what i require clearly enough. or the people i am telling are obtuse.

Are you able to see anyone else earlier than this? Even if it's just a temporary measure to get you through that 18 month wait?

It sounds like your GP knows that this is beyond their expertise. But it should be within their scope to help you get the help you need, by assisting you with that referral process.
Great news I took time off work and was able to get into a new intake and it bumped me up the list therapy starts Monday !!!! And my GP has a reputation. But Dr hopping is frowned upon when trying to establish a history in case my situation becomes debilitating again. That being said I have an interview appointment with a new dr next month who may be more equipped to help me navigate this chapter.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
you sound like you are already doing a wonderful job with self-advocacy. you seem to know what you want and do not seem to be afraid to ask. i'm wondering --just wondering-- if acceptance is the greater problem here. doctors, too, have a right to boundaries and acceptance is in order, whether i like the boundary or knot. medications have side effects. it is mine to accept and decide whether the benefits are worth putting up with the side effects. if i don't like the available treatment options, it is up to me to find what works and/or accept and manage the symptoms as best as i can.

dunno if i'm making sense or not, but? ? ? i think i'm really just trying to sort a piece of my own, strictly personal herstory. i have never had trouble with self advocating. my greater issue is accepting available options and respecting personal boundaries.

just thought i'd throw that out there while offering gentle support and empathy while you sort.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry you are dealing with so many issues, @Charmd1. Wanted to pop in quick here to say that I have been on every medication for depression (except a couple of the newer ones), and NONE helped me. There was one, about 40 years ago, that helped slightly, but I was on 4x the normal high dosage, and the side effects were horrendous. Just saying that medicine may not be the answer (it could be you haven't found the right one yet, also, of course).

holy crap.
Ok, first up? Your doc is an ass. Flat.Out.Ass
This. 100%.
Take t from someone who knows shitty doctors
Yep. Same here!
Great news I took time off work and was able to get into a new intake and it bumped me up the list therapy starts Monday !!!!
This is great news! Keep us posted!
 

Charmd1

Learning
you sound like you are already doing a wonderful job with self-advocacy. you seem to know what you want and do not seem to be afraid to ask. i'm wondering --just wondering-- if acceptance is the greater problem here. doctors, too, have a right to boundaries and acceptance is in order, whether i like the boundary or knot. medications have side effects. it is mine to accept and decide whether the benefits are worth putting up with the side effects. if i don't like the available treatment options, it is up to me to find what works and/or accept and manage the symptoms as best as i can.

dunno if i'm making sense or not, but? ? ? i think i'm really just trying to sort a piece of my own, strictly personal herstory. i have never had trouble with self advocating. my greater issue is accepting available options and respecting personal boundaries.

just thought i'd throw that out there while offering gentle support and empathy while you sort.
That is a totally valid point. I find it’s really difficult communicating my needs to people who don’t understand the experience. As well I have trouble defining boundaries. For me it’s hard to say no to a person in authority specially with someone who assume my experiences don’t trump their education. But also I have difficulty with others boundaries. I have an expectation of care that is based on hear me, if you don’t understand me ask questions if it is beyond your skill level don’t fake it thinking it will work out. That is what referrals are for. But don’t pretend you have knowledge of a complex mental health condition thinking a few pills will fix the problem. But I am also easily bullied. So if a doctor says if you don’t take the actions you’re directed to I will discontinue care and that is really inappropriate in my opinion. Flexibility is really an important part of mental health care and some doctors need to understand we are not all textbook solutions.

Thank you for all your support. When struggling it’s really hard to not make excuses for events that are outside of expectations. I also often work on taking my share of the blame even though it’s easier to defect it onto others sometimes. I know I am not an easy or ideal patient. I try to respect others for their knowledge and experience. I am of the belief that being heard is always one of the most healing things for a person struggling it plants that seed of hope that is always desperately needed and it creates confidence and safety of placing vulnerable parts of yourself in another’s care. Sometimes the people we need to rely on to meet these needs don’t understand the courage needed to come forward asking for help and treat it callously and this creates a huge amount of frustration and disenfranchisement in our health practitioners.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
For me it’s hard to say no to a person in authority specially with someone who assume my experiences don’t trump their education.

is it arrogant for me to think of authority figures/professionals as finished products? it ain't my job to educate them. i either buy or i don't buy. i don't owe the manufacturers an explanation.
 

Charmd1

Learning
is it arrogant for me to think of authority figures/professionals as finished products? it ain't my job to educate them. i either buy or i don't buy. i don't owe the manufacturers an explanation.
I agree with this partially. Finished implies done and that’s where a lot of people muff it up. Things are always changing as our understanding grows. Learning and growing into new ideas and methods is crucial.
 

Charmd1

Learning
So excited you got someone! That's awesome!
I had my first appointment with her Wednesday. She asked if I was going home to rest after and I said nope gotta go to work. Which was a bad idea because I crashed at my desk and kept falling asleep. I wonder if I’d just taken that day off if I would have made it to work the last two days lol.
I think I like this one though and I love she had the foresight to see my crash coming before I did. And I think she has enough pluck to deal with my masking and evasion lol.
 
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