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Self harm in adults with ptsd

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xena21

MyPTSD Pro
I'm wondering how many of you self harm that aren't young adults? I am 40 and have a problem with self harm.

I vary between types of harming, but the main type I use is blunt force to bruise. I used to try to scar myself but that never caused the pain that I wanted. I usually use a hammer now and it gets so bad that I want to break my bones.

It's been a tough road lately. My therapist is very understanding, but my body won't hold up much longer.

I was wondering if there are others out there that have PTSD as adults that self harm?

Thanks for any feedback.
 
Hi Xena21, I used to crack my head against the walls and drink myself into insane oblivion by dangerously swilling down a bottle of red in ten minutes, followed by another. May I suggest you try to find the hidden meaning behind this self harming that is usually - in my experience - either a disguised form of relief ( the trauma is now about the bruised up body not the truth) or an enactment of the ways you actually have been broken.

Feeling the emotions and staying with the pain that would have once forced me to go hard against myself is the only thing that has stopped me hurting myself. I am lucky in that I can remember and understand where my pain originated so I can accept the grief and cry for the poor child who was me - or the teenager - or whatever. It's not always that simple though. I know. I have body parts which no longer work properly because the force of feeling was too great and I had no defenses against it. That is why people are called survivors - because people die from their trauma and pain.

I laugh at people who have tried to give me technique, not that one should not try but...I mean...come on, can you imagine the counsellors and doctors and shrinks yelling at a poor person who has explosives going off inside to hold a stone and be grounded, to think positive while your heart is being ripped apart!! OMG!

No doubt about it the pain you have that is causing you to hurt yourself is immense and the sooner you can get yourself safe and live through that pain the closer you will be to recovery. You poor love. I am 44. I know what you are going through. Just give yourself credit for getting this far and keep trying to understand yourself and get through the pain.
Love and Blessings from Salamanda
 
I used to self harm thirty years ago, and I struggle with starting again. There are no age limits for this. I think some adults don't get help for this because they think that it is a response more common for teens or young adults. Not true.
 
I think some adults don't get help for this because they think that it is a response more common for teens or young adults
True. I've read so much out there about how common it is for young adults to self harm, but not older adults. From what I've read people try to point towards other "serious mental disorders" when older adults self harm. I read something the other day that said that young adults hurt themselves more because of PTSD issues and older adults were more likely to have Borderline Personality Disorder, or something related to that. It upset quite a bit.

I know you can't believe everything you read, but I keep reading it over and over, so I wanted to see how many other people with PTSD were in my boat. Thanks for responding. I don't wish this Hell on you by any means and wish you didn't have to deal with it. It does show me some other people struggle in this area. I'm sorry you feel so miserable too.
 
I wish nobody else felt compelled to hurt themselves. It's amazing the different reasons people do inflict the damage they do on their bodies though. PTSD can be such a horrible battle and so many friends and families, even therapists have no idea the toll it takes.
 
I'm just over 40 and I used to cut when I was 15. Back then I didn't hear of cutting. It was just chalked up as being suicidal. I didn't think I was suicidal because I didn't want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop.

Last week my therapist had me write a letter I wouldn't send to one of my ex's who abused me for 9 years. She said towards the end of the session that writing the letter was a kind of "purging". She wanted to see how I'd do this week. Ha. I felt ok. Maybe even relieved after my session. Again Ha. Three hours later I was so anxious I had to call her.

This week my anxiety has been through the roof and my hyper vigilance has been triggering it like crazy. I couldn't understand what was triggering my hyper vigilance. It finally occurred to me tonight. Note to self. In a word. The letter. The "purge".

Anyway the anxiety and hyper vigilance have been so high and so overwhelming that once this week I thought of cutting. And tonight it happened again. I was feeling so anxious and upset and shaky. And it went through my head again. Graphically. And it took all of my effort to not walk into the kitchen and grab a knife. It scared me. But there I was again just wanting to release it and relieve myself somehow.

I didn't do it. I'm nervous now though. I don't want to tell my family. I'm pretty sure I won't do it. But I can't promise myself that if it gets that intense again before therapy this week that I won't do it. But I really don't want to freak my family out. And even more than that I don't want to feel it like that anymore. Ever again.
 
But I can't promise myself that if it gets that intense again before therapy this week that I won't do it.
i admire your strength just in what you wrote. You were able to stop yourself the other day and if it does come up again remember that. Maybe you could call your therapist at that point when you are feeling that badly? I don't know how close of a relationship you have with them.

I understand not wanting to freak out your family. I don't tell my family any of the stuff that goes through my head. As far as my self harm thoughts, I would call my therapist but the urges usually come at night and she is only available between 8am and 4pm so that wouldn't work for me. I end up distracting myself with crisis chat services sometimes, because I find it hard to actually talk on the phone about self injury.

When anxiety gets so high or remains at such a high level, self injury can just become a coping tool to get it back to where you think it should be. I'm not saying it's a good tool, but it definitely does the job.
 
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