I used to cut to bleed the infection of them out of me. Now my heightened emotions are confusing and scary and I'm cutting when the energy has nowhere to go. I've lost control of my brain and am really struggling to focus on what I should be doing which makes me feel my life is pointless. I don't want to give up I have to find a way to stop them infecting anything I apply myself to or me infecting it cos I'm harbouring there dirt. Now I'm furious cos this sounds like excuses when I am pounding on the doors of my brains pilot pit but not being allowed in. I'm so sick of hurting. I'm a helper not a hurt er and defo not anyone's burden I'm not waiting for the agony to pass I'm trying to live but I am literally even right now drowning in my own tears. I'm not weak what the f*ck is happening to me?