Self Help Books

LeiaFlower

Confident
I thought it will be cool to list books that helped in your journey to healing. It can be any book that somehow benefitTed you. Rather it be “Sexual Healing” or a fictional book that helped give you a new perspective on life. After listing the book describe what what you were feeling before reading versus what improved. Also share key points, small advice, or whatever you think might be helpful for the next person because we all are going through the same thing.

I just started reading. “The Relationship Cure” by John Gottman. I started reading it because I was struggling in my relationship with my friends and family. I felt like I needed to abandon them because I believed I was ruining their life with my mental disorder. After the book I feel more hopeful that I can get more connections in my relationships. One thing that stuck out was when it was mentioned about friends not being obligated to connect but they do do simply because they want to. It helped with the fear of abandonment.

Key points that I think will be helpful for starting and maintaining relationships are: Relationships start by small acts of connection. Growing from one person reaching out by relating to a common interest then allowing it to grow from there. It builds by giving more information, asking more open ended questions in ways that express interest in the other person. Use a little humor to form emotional connection. This we’ll help relationships even during disputes. By flashing affection, intense interest, and mural respect. This turning toward one another will create positive reactions to another’s bid (or request) for emotional connection.
 

LeiaFlower

Confident
The Body Keeps the Score is my bible. It was a hard read, but it explained so much to me about how I was feeling. It helped me feel less nuts.
Just rented that book myself. I just started Courage to Heal, if you read it do you think it’s worth the read or does The Score book emphasizes more? What did you enjoy most about the book?

Alice Miller's "The Body Never Lies" and "The Drama of the Gifted Child"
I haven’t heard those before. May I ask what are they about and what did you like about them?
 

vleon

Learning
I haven’t heard those before. May I ask what are they about and what did you like about them?
I'll take the liberty to answer the first question even though it was directed towards @caroline_13

Alice Miller writes about how the source of mental illness and suffering can be found in our childhoods. Her main thesis is that as parents have unmet childhood needs, they will seek for those needs to be met by their children. As children are vulnerable and absolutely dependent on their parents for their survival, they will try to meet their parents' needs. This hampers a healthy development in the child, as she is not growing up in a safe environment and will not develop a strong sense of self. And so the cycle continues as she seeks to have her unmet childhood needs met by her children, unless she pursues therapy to understand and mourn the childhood she never had.

Daniel Mackler recommends starting reading her books in the following order in of his videos:
The Drama of the Gifted Child
For Your Own Good

Thou Shalt Not Be Aware
That's quite a lot of reading, but if you consider reading just one book by Miller, the first one on the list is also the shortest.
 

vleon

Learning
I have a bad habit of starting to read books and not finishing them, but there are a few titles that still has made an impression on me.

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I stumbled upon this book in my late teens as me and a friend were interested in pickup culture. The title of the book often misleads people to believe that this is a guide for men on how to become an asshole. What Glover actually means by a nice guy is a man without integrity, who feels the need to please others' at the cost of himself and hide his bad sides. This was the first book I read that I described how a troubled childhood affects people and the issues it can lead to at an adult age. I was reading it on my e-reader on a family vacation and it felt like big secret reading and thinking about how my father had hurt me while he was just a few meters away.

The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. I have already described Miller's work in my post above. Even though it's such a simple book, I had a hard time reading it at first because my head was filled with childhood memories and reflections after just a few sentences. (And no, this book is not targeted specifically for so called gifted children.)

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. You will see this book show up over and over again when someone asks for suggestions on books about trauma, and for a good reason. This book is partly a biography. Van der Kolk describes how the field of psychiatry changed throughout his career and his pursuit to understand and treat trauma victims. It is written with much warmth. There are several touching stories about his patients' struggles.
 

LeiaFlower

Confident
I'll take the liberty to answer the first question even though it was directed towards @caroline_13

Alice Miller writes about how the source of mental illness and suffering can be found in our childhoods. Her main thesis is that as parents have unmet childhood needs, they will seek for those needs to be met by their children. As children are vulnerable and absolutely dependent on their parents for their survival, they will try to meet their parents' needs. This hampers a healthy development in the child, as she is not growing up in a safe environment and will not develop a strong sense of self. And so the cycle continues as she seeks to have her unmet childhood needs met by her children, unless she pursues therapy to understand and mourn the childhood she never had.

Daniel Mackler recommends starting reading her books in the following order in of his videos:
The Drama of the Gifted Child
For Your Own Good
Thou Shalt Not Be Aware

That's quite a lot of reading, but if you consider reading just one book by Miller, the first one on the list is also the shortest.
I’ll definitely check out these books. I love reading about things similar to the inner child theory.
 
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