Self talk about unasked for advice offline

Justmehere

Moderator
A friend recently told me hand sanitizer was going to melt the equipment in my car and then handed me a basket they invested a lot of time into, unasked for, designed for my car of soap and water bottles, only the soap I'm wildly allergic to and the whole thing set off a wild train of dark thoughts. I gave the soap set up back, and thanked them greatly for thinking of me, because that was the good part of it all - and that's not to be overlooked at all. I keep trying to re-frame it and keep boundaries, but this is a tough subject for me. It's not just this example, but many. I can handle the person fine enough, but my self talk is very dark and down on myself.

Not applicable to anything on this forum, as it's different here. Never gets too me, and is often helpful. Even when it is not helpful, I just see that people care. Nothing more or less, simply that someone cared enough to give a suggestion that I can take or leave. Offline.... I don't seem to think this at all. Like with the soap thing, I wanted to penalize myself for being stupid about soap. What even.

I am trying to find ways to handle self talk to myself about unasked for advice.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Alternatively, how does taking advice here differ from taking it in person - what makes the in person difficult?

As I, as an outsider, could see a completely alike situation... Someone had N/A input on an issue in your life.

Where's the catch that sets off alarm bells dealing with offline life, may be helpful to find out.
 

Justmehere

Moderator
It just came up again. The same trigger but differently. I suddenly felt like I needed to defend a decision to purchase a computer because mine broke tonight and I am in a place at work and life I can’t go a night even without one and keep afloat. I was just saying I needed to go to xyz store to get the computer, because mine broke.

Someone just said, “you need to buy a computer?”

“Yes I need to buy a new computer.”

“because yours broke?”

“yeah.”

“I don’t understand why you have to buy a new one, how about a refurbished one? You should go to this other store instead...”

Doesn’t bother me at work. Strong opinions are not getting to me the same. Drives me up the wall in my personal life at the moment. I think I feel incompetent or like I have to defend myself.? I’m not sure.
 

Klanala

Learning
In my opinion they are perhaps questioning your reality. I have mine established. If a govt agency has violated mine it needs to be dealt with. Refurbished vs. new computer is a personal choice- a person's reality dictated by finances. We can be influenced by others even manipulated. I have to carefully sort these issues out with a therapist. Many people have used guilt or their own agenda or failure to solve their own issues in their past dealings with me. I am proactive about that now. I want to act in my own best interest health and safety.
 

molten8gold

New Here
In my opinion they are perhaps questioning your reality. I have mine established. If a govt agency has violated mine it needs to be dealt with. Refurbished vs. new computer is a personal choice- a person's reality dictated by finances. We can be influenced by others even manipulated. I have to carefully sort these issues out with a therapist. Many people have used guilt or their own agenda or failure to solve their own issues in their past dealings with me. I am proactive about that now. I want to act in my own best interest health and safety.
I find this to be true, as well. For example, I once expressed a desire to go into the interior decorating business. A so called friend immediately looked horrified, and announced that it was a "Cut Throat" business. I got alarmed and began to doubt myself. Years later, I when I encountered other negative reactions to ideas I was proposing to undertake, I realized that these people were afraid themselves, couldn't imagine themselves carrying out my ideas, and were projecting their fears onto me. The better response would have been "Go For It!" Or even interested questions about how I would set about it. I have now learned to steer clear of those people.
 
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