Ok, so I have a trauma focused T whom I love that I have seen for 2 and a half years.
She has really helped me with the anxious avoidance attachment issues that get stirred up when we talk about my mother.
We were talking about my mother this past week and there was all this construction noise outside. There were guys right outside her window. She kept getting distracted. She even leaned out the window to tell them to quiet down.
All this time, I felt some how stupid. I would answer a question about how my mother disregarded me and then she'd get distracted. This is not at all typical for her.
She said to me, "Imagine what it would feel like if your mother had loved you unconditionally."
I hate when she says stuff like this. I feel like shit then. Especially because she seems to give me unconditional love in a theraputic sense. But there are limits to this which I am ok with, I like the limits of therapy, I like her being and staying in the role of my doctor, and in this doctor role, the positive regard I can feel from her feels very healing.
My mother never really loved me and this sets my avoidance issues off big time. So like I will have thoughts about quitting therapy over little things.
Also, I hate to admit, but this is also causing me to be really sensitive over those "less than perfect" issues in therapy.
So, like my T getting distracted over construction workers.
Like when, after this session, I emailed my T regarding my attachment anxiety (she is ok with this if I keep it straight forward) and she texts me, "I got your email!" And then more texts stating again how she will be out of town at the end of March, but she never actually responds to my email with encouragement.
Again, she normally responds to a distressed email with one to two lines that are encouraging.
This time, all she says is that she got my email and then she reminds she will be out of town.
This also annoys me because she has already went over the dates she will be out of town. It like she does trust me not to go crazy in her absence or something.
She also keeps repeatedly spelling my name wrong in text because I think she is using voice to text. This has happened three times.
She is a good T. I do not expect her to be perfect.
I just get so overly sensitive about these issues in therapy because I tell her all my shitty experiences and I am attached to her.
I don't know if any body can relate to feeling sensitive like this.
I hate the attachment, but my T says the attachment is necessary to do good trauma work.
She has really helped me with the anxious avoidance attachment issues that get stirred up when we talk about my mother.
We were talking about my mother this past week and there was all this construction noise outside. There were guys right outside her window. She kept getting distracted. She even leaned out the window to tell them to quiet down.
All this time, I felt some how stupid. I would answer a question about how my mother disregarded me and then she'd get distracted. This is not at all typical for her.
She said to me, "Imagine what it would feel like if your mother had loved you unconditionally."
I hate when she says stuff like this. I feel like shit then. Especially because she seems to give me unconditional love in a theraputic sense. But there are limits to this which I am ok with, I like the limits of therapy, I like her being and staying in the role of my doctor, and in this doctor role, the positive regard I can feel from her feels very healing.
My mother never really loved me and this sets my avoidance issues off big time. So like I will have thoughts about quitting therapy over little things.
Also, I hate to admit, but this is also causing me to be really sensitive over those "less than perfect" issues in therapy.
So, like my T getting distracted over construction workers.
Like when, after this session, I emailed my T regarding my attachment anxiety (she is ok with this if I keep it straight forward) and she texts me, "I got your email!" And then more texts stating again how she will be out of town at the end of March, but she never actually responds to my email with encouragement.
Again, she normally responds to a distressed email with one to two lines that are encouraging.
This time, all she says is that she got my email and then she reminds she will be out of town.
This also annoys me because she has already went over the dates she will be out of town. It like she does trust me not to go crazy in her absence or something.
She also keeps repeatedly spelling my name wrong in text because I think she is using voice to text. This has happened three times.
She is a good T. I do not expect her to be perfect.
I just get so overly sensitive about these issues in therapy because I tell her all my shitty experiences and I am attached to her.
I don't know if any body can relate to feeling sensitive like this.
I hate the attachment, but my T says the attachment is necessary to do good trauma work.