Sex is disgusting

Thank you @Movingforward10. You are reminding me that I am aware that some people are able to connect intimately through sex, And I guess some people feel are enough to express themselves that way.

Somehow I am connecting the flood of good feelings as part of the shame/disgust/alienation.

I know you struggle with aspects of this, yes, and I appreciate your feedback.
 
connecting the flood of good feelings as part of to the shame/disgust/alienation.
This is so uncomfortable for me. I think my T would just say something like, “Your brain is holding onto old stories that were helpful then. Tell your brain that’s not true now. Tell it (all the things MovingForward said).”

I wonder if I’m connecting crying with
It releases tension
 
Sex is disgusting and anyone who does it (me) is gross.

The only counter I have is “it’s natural” which just leads a part of me to say “f*ck you” in return.

So many cognitive distortions for me tonight. 🙄
Does that belief come from / source from …sex, or rape?

I can use a knife to slice through meat… my steak, or another person. Same implements doing the same thing to the same substance. Knife through muscle. Same basic physical motions. Wildly different things.
 
Blah. Obvious. But how does that help to face the cognitive distortion? Not trying to be flippant. Difficult subject. Want to face it.
@Friday perhaps your response tells me that I don’t have a definition of sex that is helpful for me currently.

I know it’s fun for some people. And um… transcendent? Am I to just pretend like it is those things? I think I need more nuance.

Edit: I see your point. Change the sentence to “Rape is disgusting. People who do rape (not me) are gross.”

Then I still need to define sex. I ether can’t or don’t want to. But maybe can have that as something to hold curiosity about.
 
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I think it really is perfectly okay to not want/enjoy sex. Unless you do feel that you want to have/enjoy sex but there is something stopping you

I’ll raise my hand and say that I am one of the people who find it fun. I don’t masturbate & never have. I don’t have that mind blowing physical feeling that some people describe either. If I’m with someone I like/love/having fun with then I want them to experience pleasure, I love the whole build up, the tease, the laughter, the giggles when you attempt something in bed and it goes totally tits up wrong, the post-sex cuddles. I find it a really good way of blowing off tension & stress. Kind of like that flop after a really good fast run. If you think about it, bodies in general are pretty gross. I also find the human body pretty amazing for what it’s capable of. If I have someone I am seriously attracted to I enjoy spending time getting to know their body, what it reacts to, what they like/don’t like etc. Theres still shit I can’t handle when it comes to sex but I can get a grip on myself mostly and swap to doing something different. Perhaps there’s some sex acts that would feel more okay to you than others?
 
@No More I appreciate your perspective. It helps me to learn what works for people.

Unless you do feel that you want to have/enjoy sex but there is something stopping you
I think this ☝️ is the case. I do want to but something in my mind crashes down upon me, or freezes me, or causes me to flee the presence and dissociate, and also leads to a sense of fear and sadness.
some sex acts that would feel more okay
I don’t know. I will think about it. I think my brain has an all-or-nothing attitude. “Do everything or else I’m bringing problems into the situation…”
 
I think this ☝️ is the case. I do want to but something in my mind crashes down upon me, or freezes me, or causes me to flee the presence and dissociate, and also leads to a sense of fear and sadness.
The key out of this for me, was participation & being in control. As soon as I stopped physically participating in the act, not enjoying it, or mentally starting to be somewhere else I’d freeze, and then I’d be back there, and hence in a vicious cycle of not-in-controlness. I find as long as I am active, and making choices, laughing, talking etc I can stay in the present and really enjoy sex.
 
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