Sex is disgusting

[Rose White]

Sex is disgusting and anyone who does it (me) is gross.

The only counter I have is “it’s natural” which just leads a part of me to say “f*ck you” in return.

So many cognitive distortions for me tonight.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Great thread. Unfortunately I’m in the same boat with you and don’t have any counters.
In fact, was asked recently in therapy - could you do without sex, any form, even masturbation?
No hesitation. Yes.
It’s complicated yeah? I’m with you.

I am still working on it though….

 

[Rose White]

@Warrior Chicken thank you

 

[Movingforward10]

It's a way to connect with another on an intimate level.
It's a way to express yourself.
It releases tension and floods with good feelings (as I type this, you know my struggles with this! But I do believe this, even if for me I cry after and struggle during at times).

 

[Rose White]

Thank you @Movingforward10. You are reminding me that I am aware that some people are able to connect intimately through sex, And I guess some people feel are enough to express themselves that way.

Somehow I am connecting the flood of good feelings as part of the shame/disgust/alienation.

I know you struggle with aspects of this, yes, and I appreciate your feedback.

 

[Rose White]

connecting the flood of good feelings as part of to the shame/disgust/alienation.

This is so uncomfortable for me. I think my T would just say something like, “Your brain is holding onto old stories that were helpful then. Tell your brain that’s not true now. Tell it (all the things MovingForward said).”

I wonder if I’m connecting crying with

It releases tension

 

[Friday]

Sex is disgusting and anyone who does it (me) is gross.

The only counter I have is “it’s natural” which just leads a part of me to say “f*ck you” in return.

So many cognitive distortions for me tonight.

Does that belief come from / source from …sex, or rape?

I can use a knife to slice through meat… my steak, or another person. Same implements doing the same thing to the same substance. Knife through muscle. Same basic physical motions. Wildly different things.

 

[Rose White]

Blah. Obvious. But how does that help to face the cognitive distortion? Not trying to be flippant. Difficult subject. Want to face it.
@Friday perhaps your response tells me that I don’t have a definition of sex that is helpful for me currently.

I know it’s fun for some people. And um… transcendent? Am I to just pretend like it is those things? I think I need more nuance.

Edit: I see your point. Change the sentence to “Rape is disgusting. People who do rape (not me) are gross.”

Then I still need to define sex. I ether can’t or don’t want to. But maybe can have that as something to hold curiosity about.

 

[No More]

I think it really is perfectly okay to not want/enjoy sex. Unless you do feel that you want to have/enjoy sex but there is something stopping you

I’ll raise my hand and say that I am one of the people who find it fun. I don’t masturbate & never have. I don’t have that mind blowing physical feeling that some people describe either. If I’m with someone I like/love/having fun with then I want them to experience pleasure, I love the whole build up, the tease, the laughter, the giggles when you attempt something in bed and it goes totally tits up wrong, the post-sex cuddles. I find it a really good way of blowing off tension & stress. Kind of like that flop after a really good fast run. If you think about it, bodies in general are pretty gross. I also find the human body pretty amazing for what it’s capable of. If I have someone I am seriously attracted to I enjoy spending time getting to know their body, what it reacts to, what they like/don’t like etc. Theres still shit I can’t handle when it comes to sex but I can get a grip on myself mostly and swap to doing something different. Perhaps there’s some sex acts that would feel more okay to you than others?

 

[RachelBigby]

My body is permanently stiff from tension, so there’s no enjoying any sensual experience for me. It takes a LOT for my body to be moved.

 

[Rose White]

@No More I appreciate your perspective. It helps me to learn what works for people.

Unless you do feel that you want to have/enjoy sex but there is something stopping you

I think this is the case. I do want to but something in my mind crashes down upon me, or freezes me, or causes me to flee the presence and dissociate, and also leads to a sense of fear and sadness.

some sex acts that would feel more okay

I don’t know. I will think about it. I think my brain has an all-or-nothing attitude. “Do everything or else I’m bringing problems into the situation…”

 

[No More]

I think this is the case. I do want to but something in my mind crashes down upon me, or freezes me, or causes me to flee the presence and dissociate, and also leads to a sense of fear and sadness.

The key out of this for me, was participation & being in control. As soon as I stopped physically participating in the act, not enjoying it, or mentally starting to be somewhere else I’d freeze, and then I’d be back there, and hence in a vicious cycle of not-in-controlness. I find as long as I am active, and making choices, laughing, talking etc I can stay in the present and really enjoy sex.