My partner is upset with me because, a couple days ago, we had sex while I was shut down. It just sort of happened. He’d been avoiding me for a few days, then suddenly he was there and cuddling with me. It didn’t feel good. I wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point, but it definitely made me feel uncomfortable. I diverted to sex instead. Is that weird? Or wrong? I told him he didn’t need to feel bad about it. I consented. Hell, I initiated it. And I enjoyed it. It felt good to feel something. Didn’t feel so good afterward, because it didn’t address the reason he’d been avoiding me for days. That isolation is what prompted my shut down. I’m coming out of the shut down now, but still not feeling much. Confusion, mostly, I think. Last we talked, I laid out for him how I was feeling and where I was at. That’s when he went into hiding. I’m not upset about the sex. I am upset that he spent the two days after it pretending that things were back to normal, while I was still shut down and waiting for us to finally talk things through. His avoidant behaviour is a major trigger for me. It’s exactly what my abusive ex would do-hurt me, then disappear for days after I tried to address it, just to come back and pretend like it had never happened. Sends me right back there when my current partner repeats this pattern. He knows this. We’ve talked about it a lot. My therapist thinks my partner is having his own trauma response when he hears that he’s hurt me. It could also be RSD, or even both. It’s too much for me, though. I need things dealt with as they come up, or I don’t get to feel safe. There’s just a pile of reasons for me to not feel safe otherwise. Anyway, that got really off track. Any advice would be appreciated, but what I really wanted to know was if engaging in sex while shut down is wrong for me to do.